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I Wish Gandalf Was My Life Coach

Wednesday, August 29, 2007


Life Coach
Originally uploaded by Ray Fenwick

It is college football time. Everyone is talking to coaches and making guesses about the teams chances to do anything of interest. My college is playing Purdue this weekend. My neighbors have asked me if I am going. Yeah, right. Like I know the difference between goal and par. Besides the news is filled with updates on the point-shaving non-story.

It is great to have insurance. Especially when the insurance has a wellness package and an EAP. I love it. I get 5 visits to the wellness coach.

I began seeing the coach when my doctors first mentioned pre-diabetes.

He is great.

I first met with him at the end of July. He explained to me the glycemic index and demonstrated to me how to read food labels for sugar. During the four weeks that followed I kept a food log on http://caloriecount.about.com/

Calorie Count Plus

Well the results were pretty clear. I do not eat enough protein and fill my days with carbs and fat. Doesn’t everyone? I also do not exercise enough. Of course, I am not. I am too tired to exercise. I am too stressed to exercise.

Funny thing…. Exercise releases stress. By not releasing stress i am not eliminating blah blah blah blah blah. Yeah that is what it sounded like to me.

In a nutshell he was telling me what I already knew from our lsat meeting. I need to exercise and eat more meat.

Man that is difficult. I have resorted to string cheese, yogurt and cottage cheese. But I am lactose intolerant. Isn’t that funny. I tried eating nuts but nuts bother me too.

I have been asking friends to provide protein enriching advice.

My co-worker told me to eat boiled eggs. That is easy. Boring but easy. Eating eggs everyday seems a little gross but there it is.

I can always eat more beans. But preparing beans is bothersome for me. I really don’t know too many bean recipes.

Someone else suggested fish. I really do not know how to cook fish. I have to rely on Zone diet recipe books and I am always missing some key ingredient.

I finally went to the library for a shopping list.

  • Lots of fruit.
  • Canned seafood.
  • Whole wheat.

There is more, of course, but it is boring.

At this session, he gave me really good tips. First he gave to me this great book. An eating out guide. It is called Nutrition In The Fast Lane.

He suggested that I am convenience eater. When I am out and about, I tend to eat worse. The solution. Keep protein bars at my job. Just before I leave for the day I should eat one. The boost of energy and protein will hold off hunger while I run any errands that I have to complete before I head home. And if I plan to eat out the energy bar will reduce the tendency for appetizers and I will order less food. Blah blah blah blah. He had a million suggestions…

He was dreaming, if it were that simple I would workout 5 days a week, I would have a good nights sleep, I would feel productive at work, I would have loads and loads of friends and my hair would be long and strong. Besides he told me not to use the word "diet" then proceeded to use it three times for the remainder our session. Don't misunderstand me. I like the guy. I felt so relaxed in his office, I didn't think about Puerto rican rum, tequila or vodka one time!

But.....

During most of the session, I was daydreaming. I was daydreaming about Xanax, Valium, Lexapro. Seriously, I feel like I am going in circles by talking to experts – my GP, the sleep specialist, the wellness coach and my friends/family.

The nerve of the Wellness coach to suggest that I see a counselor about my stress. I don’t need more experts in my life. The expert can be found at the pharmacy. In an orange non-child proof bottle. In a little pill.

So you know what I did? After the session, I went to the grocery store to buy the snacks that he suggested I keep in the office and some snacks for the house. I picked up a box of protein bars. At the checkout I leaned to my left. Reached out. And grabbed a snickers bar. (nuts have protein)

I ate it on the way to Baskin Robbins. Where I ordered a Reese Cup single cone. (I figured milk is protein)

Yeah. So much for that. I have insurance. It should work for me.



This guy is wearing flipflops to work

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Watching reality tv in the background rooting for the anti-hero? Do they log in from work or stay up until the wee hours at night? Writing of work, I wonder do they wear flipflops at work….?

This topic has been brought up a few times in the past few weeks. I personally do not wear cheap flip flops to work.

I have worn a thong sandal wedge or high heel to work. The major difference between my thong shoes and flipflops is that my thong sandals do not “fwap fwap” when I walk.

I personally do not think that one should wear flipflops to work unless the job is lifeguard. Seriously, if you make more enough money to file a tax return, invest in the company retirement plan, or can keep more than $20 comfortably in your wallet then you should buy some real shoes. And Lector says that you should not wear shoes cheaper than your purse.


I recently purchased FitFlops from Bath and Body works. I excitedly told a friend of mine that I had to find a way to create an outfit around the shoes so that I could wear them to work. She was appalled at the idea of wearing flipflops to work. I knew it was a stretch but not a huge one. The FitFlops were $55 with shipping and handling and I wanted to make my co-worker jealous. More importantly, Friday is Spirit Day at work. We can wear jeans or khaki's without disapproval as long as it is paired with a logo shirt or top. I had to find a logo top that matched my shoes and long pants - long enough to hide the fact that my shoes were, by definition, flipflops. I was breaking my personal rule for this.


If you are wondering what FitFlops are --- they are overpriced flipflops that claim to give your legs a workout. I have had them two weeks and my legs are wondering why I didn’t use the $55 to buy a pair of really nice shoes at 50% off from Dillards Department Store.


So am I. …. I could have bought so much more with the money.

The shoes are stupid. I wore them just to make my work friend jealous but now my corporate friend thinks I am some kind of hippy administrator. She works for an international company at a local plant and must have lost a year of her life with the gasping and carrying on that she did when it told her that I have seen staff members around campus wearing flipflops.


She demanded to know how we were demonstrating a good example to the college students by showing our feet like that.


Now, if she wears flipflops to work she risks car parts falling on her feet or worse, some factory guy ogling her for her French manicure. I asked a friend that is an administrator at another college, vice-president level. She too became very distressed at the idea of someone wearing flipflops to work in academia. She seemed only to backdown slightly at the idea of wearing a thong sandal.


I guess the president of the university might not like looking at someone’s flipflops at work. But President Bush did not seem to mind….http://wwwimage.cbsnews.com/images/2005/07/19/image709953g.jpg

Later all three of us: the mid-level corporate manager; mid-level higher education staff; and higher administration staff began to discuss the finer points of shoewear in the office.

Well anyway. The episode has sparked my interest. Flat flipflops aren’t good for your feet. My FitFlops are thick and cushioned but still a stupid marketing stunt that cost me a good pair of shoes. But surefooted I am not. I wore them to hustle class and kept coming out of them. For $55 they should stay on my feet and not make the stupid “frawp frawp” sound.

Which do you prefer thong sandals or flipflops? What do people feel about flipflops in the office? At an office not near a beachfront, that is…..

What are your thoughts on thong sandals? When are they never okay?
To quote another blogger “when do you cross the line between hip and unkept?”




































Entry for August 27, 2007

Sunday, August 26, 2007

I often wonder about other bloggers.

What motivates them?

How do they make time to blog everyday?

Sometimes, I find myself sitting in a restaurant drafting blog entries in my head. I sometime think that one day I will blog from my smartphone. I have to do something to justify the enormous amount of money I spend on my bill each month. Why not use it to blog…. The battery would probably die before the blog….

I wonder do other bloggers find a pure joy? Done without effort? I have trouble with it sometimes because my laptop is more than 5 years old and takes a few minutes to load.

I find that I want to know if other bloggers complete their activity in their PJs? Using laptops with really hot batteries but were not apart of the recall notice?

Watching reality tv in the background rooting for the anti-hero? Do they log in from work or stay up until the wee hours at night? Writing of work, I wonder do they wear flipflops at work….?

This topic has been brought up a few times in the past few weeks. I personally do not wear cheap flip flops to work.

I have worn a thong sandal wedge or high heel to work. The major difference between my thong shoes and flipflops is that my thong sandals do not “fwap fwap” when I walk.

I personally do not think that one should wear flipflops to work unless the job is lifeguard. Seriously, if you make more enough money to file a tax return, invest in the company retirement plan, or can keep more than $20 comfortably in your wallet then you should buy some real shoes. And Lector says that you should not wear shoes cheaper than your purse.

I definitely would not wear flipflops to the Whitehouse like these girls.

In a photo provided by The White House, President Bush stands with members of the Northwestern University women's lacrosse team during Championship Day at the White House, (AP/THE WHITE HOUSE)


I recently purchased FitFlops from Bath and Body works. I excitedly told a friend of mine that I had to find a way to create an outfit around the shoes so that I could wear them to work. She was appalled at the idea of wearing flipflops to work. I knew it was a stretch but not a huge one. The FitFlops were $55 with shipping and handling and I wanted to make my co-worker jealous. More importantly, Friday is Spirit Day at work. We can wear jeans or khaki's without disapproval as long as it is paired with a logo shirt or top. I had to find a logo top that matched my shoes and long pants - long enough to hide the fact that my shoes were, by definition, flipflops. I was breaking my personal rule for this.


If you are wondering what FitFlops are --- they are overpriced flipflops that claim to give your legs a workout. I have had them two weeks and my legs are wondering why I didn’t use the $55 to buy a pair of really nice shoes at 50% off from Dillards Department Store.


So am I. …. I could have bought so much more with the money.

The shoes are stupid. I wore them just to make my work friend jealous but now my corporate friend thinks I am some kind of hippy administrator. She works for an international company at a local plant and must have lost a year of her life with the gasping and carrying on that she did when it told her that I have seen staff members around campus wearing flipflops.


She demanded to know how we were demonstrating a good example to the college students by showing our feet like that.


Now, if she wears flipflops to work she risks car parts falling on her feet or worse, some factory guy ogling her for her French manicure. I asked a friend that is an administrator at another college, vice-president level. She too became very distressed at the idea of someone wearing flipflops to work in academia. She seemed only to backdown slightly at the idea of wearing a thong sandal.


I guess the president of the university might not like looking at someone’s flipflops at work. But President Bush did not seem to mind….

Later all three of us: the mid-level corporate manager; mid-level higher education staff; and higher administration staff began to discuss the finer points of shoewear in the office.

Well anyway. The episode has sparked my interest. Flat flipflops aren’t good for your feet. My FitFlops are thick and cushioned but still a stupid marketing stunt that cost me a good pair of shoes. But surefooted I am not. I wore them to hustle class and kept coming out of them. For $55 they should stay on my feet and not make the stupid “frawp frawp” sound.

Which do you prefer thong sandals or flipflops? What do people feel about flipflops in the office? At an office not near a beachfront, that is…..

What are your thoughts on thong sandals? When are they never okay?
To quote another blogger “when do you cross the line between hip and unkept?”

TI-99/4A Computer (1989)

Monday, August 20, 2007


TI-99/4A Computer (1989)
Originally uploaded by Andy Jagoe

Classes started here today.

I have been pretty busy and working late since last week getting ready for the new students.

I learned that this year's freshman include young people who were born the year that I graduated from High School.

I knew that this day would come.

I thought that I would be ready for it.

But I am not....

Send Puerto Rican Rum....


How much would this computer cost today, I wonder?
















The Day Has Finally Come

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Classes started here today.

I have been pretty busy and working late since last week getting ready for the new students.

I learned that this year's freshman include young people who were born the year that I graduated from High School.

I knew that this day would come.

I thought that I would be ready for it.

But I am not....

Send Puerto Rican Rum....

The website where I found that picture wrote that in today's dollars that computer would cost $13,800........

Promises

Thursday, August 9, 2007

So here we are, Day 4 without a TV

I have been trying to write a new blog post for two days. I have had some adventure.

On Wednesday I had four events to orchestrate. First, I promised to meet with my aunt and uncle to give to them my dining room table. I realized they did not have one when I went to visit a few weeks back. Later, I promised to meet a friend moving out of town to buy and pick up her table. That was the heavy stuff. A friend was celebrating the one-year anniversary of her 30th B-day at the local margarita restaurant and I promised her that I would drink at least one margarita with her. And finally, I had promised my neighbor that I would drive her to the movies.

The last item is the most interesting. Apparently, when I was visiting with my neighbors last Saturday drinking margaritas made with 1800 and taking kamikaze shots I made this promise to be the driver. The movie we were seeing was Superbad… I promise you that had I been sober, there is no way I would have made that promise. I had no plans to see Superbad. Potty humor is not my favorite genre. It was funny but it would have been funnier at home on cable.

I was able to complete two of the four tasks. Picked up the new table on Thursday and by the time the movie was over the B-day anniversary party was also over. I didn’t really need more margaritas, I guess.

After I got the new table on Thursday, I went to dancing lessons. I convinced my blind date to meet me there. I guess it wasn’t really a blind date since I had chatted with him a few times on the IM. Anyway, we met at the place and found ourselves in the slow section of the class. Ha. Funny stuff.

Back to the TV

I called the store about the warranty and was informed that since my TV was 26” I could bring it into the service center. I remarked, “Seriously? You want me to bring it in?” I asked about the charge for in-home service. He told me, one hundred and five dollars and suggested that renew the warranty with an in-home option because it would probably be cheaper than in-home service under the current warranty.

They always lie…… Always try to reel me in by promising me the world. And I fall for it every time.

The more than $400 price tag for the upgraded multi-year warranty was outrageous. I am convinced that it was more than the original cost of the TV without the original warranty. I remarked to the agent that the competitor had TV’s for sale in Sunday’s circular for about the same price. She reminded me that this was a multi-year in home warranty good for parts and labor.

I informed her again that for the same price I could have a new TV with a new warranty. She gave me the price of a 2 year warranty for almost $300, I told her it just didn’t’ seem reasonable to spend that much money on a warranty. I decided to tell my nephew that I needed help getting the TV to the store in order to get it fixed and promised to pay him for his trouble. He needs some extra cash and has called me everyday wanting to “help me” get the TV into my car.

He always says, “When do you want me to help you take the TV to the store?” I keep saying, “When it isn’t pouring rain outside.” Even so, he has yet to call when it is not raining. Maybe when it is raining he is reminded of how bored and broke he is and that is why he calls.

More TVs

Monday, August 6, 2007

A month ago my father called all of us to remind us that he was turning sixty years old and that for his birthday he wanted $60.00 in cash. He wanted to redo his basement shower.

My father's basement shower is the kind that no woman would ever use. Seriously NEVER. His "den" is of course in the basement. His spot. My step-mother has the kitchen. Why are men's spaces so dark and uninviting to women?

My sister and I take off of work in order to make it to my father's B-day party and present him with his gift. We endure Interstate traffic jams, take an exit and run into small town traffic jams, miss our freeway exit, back track and finally make it to his house 90 minutes late and the food isn't ready. Yes, we took off of work.......

He opens his card, picks out the $240 and says, "Yes, now I can buy a new LCD TV for my Man Den." (the basement) I felt betrayed.

Back to my TV worries.

So here we are 24 hours with a broken tv.

My journey….

To begin, I consulted family and friends for advice about my TV.

To review. I turned the TV on. Walked out of the room to take in the lovely weather on the porch. Returned and the TV was off. Been that way ever since.

The questions….

The TV will not power on?

I have already made that clear.

Is it plugged in?

Wasn’t sure if I should have been completely offended by this question. What do you think?

Did you plug it into a different outlet?

Wouldn’t you try that first? Is that not common sense. I do, after all, have a college degree….

Well, there was a thunderstorm did you check that the power strip needs to be reset? Again… Does it seem reasonable to ask me that? Okay, maybe. There was a thunderstorm that morning but the TV did come on that afternoon. But my father expected me to check it while he was on the phone.

Well, did you check the power strip?

Seriously. That is not the problem.

How do you know that it will not come on?

I ignored this question from my co-worker.

Are you trying to turn it on with the remote? Or the power button?

I bit my tongue when he asked me this. Like I was some kind of Tech nimrod. As if I would not walk my fat butt over to the TV and press the Power button - or check the batteries in the remote. It made me angry because I stated that the TV mysteriously shut itself off. I would have been more open to the possibility that I have a poltergeist than the idea that I am such a total loser who tries to turn on a TV with a broken remote. That would be Armond Reynolds.

Did you unplug it for 15 minutes and check it again?

Not a bad suggestion but every piece of equipment has that weird flaw. Unplug it and it will turn on… Why is that anyway? I just don’t get it. Like some kind of karma belief or buddha quote.

Unplug it and it will turn on...
Take away the negative energy and the positive energy will find its way into your life.

Was it on during the lightning storm? Are you sure that it did not get zapped?Yes, clearly I am sure that it did not get zapped since it is attached to a very expensive power strip that powers five working pieces of electronic devices.

Exactly what happened?

Argh.

Well Cousin L suggested that I may have purchased the extended warranty. I assumed that it had run out after three years. He thought that perhaps that I may have bought a 5 year warranty. Right..... I am sure the 5 year warranty was more expensive than the TV when I bought it. However, on that hunch I called the store. Fortunately, I purchased the 3-year warranty that expires 8-31-07. Small favors.

On the other hand.

WHAT KIND OF EQUIPMENT BREAKS THREE WEEKS BEFORE THE WARRANTY RUNS OUT?

Send Pizza

Sunday, August 5, 2007

Send Pizza

Well, I took two weeks off of work in the middle of a heat wave. So many things I wanted to share with you. All the things that I did. All of the very funny observations that I made

Like---- Why do men like to use the basement commode rather than the regular bathroom. My father whenever he comes to visit makes a beeline for the basement bathroom. It is pretty ordinary. One toilet. A utility sink. A shower. He seems to prefer it. Always has. What is with that????

I want to tell you about my trip to Milwaukee WI where I drank beer and my traveling friends searched for a strap for a pair of sunglasses.

I will tell you about the To Do list that was not completed.

Then there is the My Cripple Me Crochet project that had to be put on hold. The wood stripping project that ruined my back – put me on the couch for two days…..

I would like to share with you what happens when I am on vacation and start hanging out with my neighbors who have a brother-in-law boarder that has a crush on me.

There is of course the book reading list that I completed during the two weeks.

Or the humiliation that I endured because I still use a regular camera.

The vegetables that burned in the sun. Or the tomatillo plant that has taken over my tomato patch. Never saw a tomatillo plant before. I was talked into buying this by the greenhouse lady.

Tomate Verde  TOMATILLO  .09g seed, USDA Certified Organic 48102

So many events that I would like to share

IN DUE TIME because right now I am totally irritated.

Out of sorts

Depressed

My soul aches.

Why? Because today, while home eating lunch…..

My dynaflat, widescreen HD ready television mysteriously shut off and has yet to turn back on..

I am so upset I just ate an entire thin crust vegetarian large pizza – unashamed.

I will have to make a decision: get it fixed or buy a new one. I hear that the prices have gone down considerably. I still have working TV’s from college (18 years ago) and graduate school (14 YEARS AGO) yet this one did not last four years. They were original RCAs (before it was sold) and the TVs got crappy. Not sure how they are made now because I will not buy an RCA.

What gives? Isn’t it funny that as technology becomes more complicated we have lower tolerance for failure. For example, if the toilet breaks you call a plumber and you don’t complain about it. But if the computer breaks – a much more sophisticated machine – you complain, write letters, vow to never buy that brand again and if you are like me you write a blog about it.

Maybe I will just forget about a new TV and visit the neighbors more.

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