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Tuesday, April 17, 2007


I have mentioned before that I have a hard time with doctors. I literally must write down all of my symptoms in a notebook just so that I will remember to mention them to my doctor.

When I met with my sleep disorder doctor and COMPLETELY forgot to mention that I stop breathing when I am asleep in January. Or that I wake up with a sore throat and I have slept through my clock alarm, firm alarm and loud tvs. Or that I still so tired after noon that I can barely function. Failed to mention that I am gaining weight again. So, I wrote all of this down for my appointment last week and quite efficiently lift my notes on my dresser. Pretty hard to convince the sleep specialist that I am having problems when I look alert and rested. It came out of no where. I got a good night’s rest and went to the appointment.

He is a pretty clever guy, he noticed that my thought was red and sore with his fancy flashlight. He accused me of snoring. GREAT let’s add that to the list. Did I mention that I was referred to this guy because I dared to go into my family physician’s office and complain of insomnia.

All I wanted was some Valium. Instead now I see a sleep specialist and my medicine is $40 on the co-pay and one day I fear the medicine will kill me. The medicine really knocks you out. No better than sex. For real. One day the house will be on fire and I will be knocked out. I have been practicing my Lily Munster bed pose at night because that is what the medicine does to me.

Oh yeah, I get to sleep alright be the whole not breathing at night means that I am constantly waking up to gasping for air. Do you know what that is called?

It is freaking called Sleep Apnea and that has its own diagnosis and remedy. It means going to bed with a mask on my face after I take the “knock you out medicine”. I am a single gal that sleeps alone. Everything in my life has conspired to keep me single. Imagine the conversation I would have to initiate with a potential suitor to explain the medicine that I take which puts me in a death like sleep and the mask that I wear to keep me from suffocating.

And then this guy wants to take away my “pep pills” because I look so alert. NOOOOOO. I love my pep pills, they are the reason I get any work done at all. Another problem to keep me single. Excessive daytime sleepiness. Every time I go out men tell me that I always look tired. What can a single sleepy gal do?

No one wants to prescribe drugs like Valium because they are habit forming. I guess there could be worse things....

Let's see, sleeping like the dead - $40 a month co-pay,
Wearing a breathing mask- $0 (cause it is not going to happen),
Walking around tired all the time - $5 co-pay for the pep pills
Remaining forever single - Priceless

Just give me the Valium so I won't mind as much.


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