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Distracted Will Driving

Thursday, June 6, 2013

I must confess.
I play a game during my daily commute and more so during the weekend.
I am not playing Candy Crush while driving.
No. I am not Tweeting about potholes.
I am certainly not uploading pics of people doing silly things outside.
I play

Could I get invited into your home?

I look for mini-vans and SUVs with family decals on them.
I imagine that I am attempting to be invited into their home and I plan how I might interact with the family  based on the decal.
It is like a to-do list
  • This one tells me Dad has expensive hobbies possibly to go with a position that requires networking on the green. 
  • There's probably a lot of designer clothing and other brand name products in this home.
  • I could attempt to borrow a small tool.
  • The dog is probably of a larger breed. I couldn't visit this house too long because I am allergic to dogs.

  • Dad probably has a beer belly with a room dedicated to him full of sports memorabilia. Or at least a small fridge full of beer.
  • Mom has a drinking problem? I bet if I asked, she would share a glass of wine with me.
  • The children would be fun to watch for a day.I could pretend to be returning a toy.
  • Finally, I can guess with confidence that the car is full of ancient McDonald fries (which do not spoil BTW)
  • If I were a burglar, I would ignore this house.  A gun-toting father with three daughters is a dangerous man. Additionally, avoid the topic of politics.
  • The kid with the newspaper route has a good throwing arm and has discipline. I like her.
  • Mom is probably a fiber crafter or scrapbooker. I like her, too.
  • I can't...With this one...
My make believe family

  • I want people to think I have a body builder partner. He doesn't tolerate nonsense.
  • I could out run an crazed masked killer.And keep up with anything else.
  • Unfortunately, this make believe family advertises that we are rarely home between shuffling kids to and from practice and our own hobbies. On the other hand, we don't have time to waste.
  • The dog is a distraction. If you truly now me, I would never keep a dog.
  • This also tells everyone that I have a amazing vacuum

I have been playing this game for years.
Sometimes I am a potential home invader. Sometimes, I am the Avon lady calling. I pretend that I have good  news to share.
That was all before I spotted a decal similar to the one above at the local Wally world.
It took me by surprise.
It is the beginning of a new game...

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