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What the Men-Things Say

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Being single with no kids after the age of 30 is the hardest state in the world. I get the strangest comments/questions. The lines that men use are best reserved for someone who is aged 23 or younger.
I have listed a few here for you. I heard some of these at my Cousin's Annual XMas party this saturday.

Random:::
You Are So Sexy. - I know that.
Hey, Come Here. - I am over here, negro. come to me if you want me.
Why Don’t You Have Any Kids? - I don't have kids. (i just keep repeating that)
Don’t You Want To Have Kids? - I don't have kids. (i just keep repeating that)
Can You Have Kids? -I don't have kids. (i just keep repeating that)
I Just Got Out of A Commitment. -Did I Ask You That?
I Want You To Be My Baby Mama! -Impossible
I Want To Give You Everything You Desire? -Impossible
I Love Your Hair, Can I Touch It? -Can You Buy Me a Drink?
Are You Creative? – That was one of the more creative lines I have ever heard.
I Like That You Have Curls In Your Hair. - I Know That Was About My Type Of Hair. I Hate Breeders. Men who review your gene pool when they meet you.
We Could Have Pretty Babies. -Stupid Breeders
Don’t You Find Me Attractive?- Where did that come from?
I Have Never Had To Approach A Woman, They Have Always Come On To Me. -You Must Find That Flaterring.
Can I Come Over Your House? -Can you buy me a drink?
Why, Not? -Do you see my empty glass? (Just A Standard Response To Any “No” You Might Give)
Tell Me, is That Guy Over There Staring at Me? -Homophobic guys have the best pickup lines.
Do you smoke? - (Weed) Actually, i like working for a living.

Guys In Clubs::
I Know You Think I Am Fine? –What is more important is that You Think You Are Fine.
Where Is Your Man? -Buying my drinks.
I Make 80k A Year. - Do you have a 401K?
You Got To Have A Man As Fine As You Are. - (This one gets a weak smile)
Why Aren’t You Married? - Are you married?
Lemme Ask You Something. - (Followed By A Retarded Question Like, “How Tall Are You?”)
I Am Ten Inches; You Should Take Me To Dinner. - I am not touching that.
We Should Go Out Before My License Is Suspended. _ Then What?
My Car Is Out Of Commission Can You Swoop Me Up?- NO
Are You Interested In Making More Money? – NO (no pyramid money making adventures for me. This is so annoying, a handsome man trying to get $59.99 out of me)

Guys At Discount Stores::
Don’t I Know You? - This one gets no response.
Didn’t You Work At The Mcdonald’s On Market St? - Seriously, someone insisted that he knew me from McDonalds and followed me around the store.

Guy At The Auto Service Center::
I Know Your Sister - (My Sister Never Lived In That City)

Guys At Home Improvement Stores::
Did Your Husband Send You To Buy Something? - This one takes a lot of nerve but it is funny as H##.
You Should Let Me Install That For You. - I have a Handyman, a father, a male co-worker and Corey.
Do You Need Some Help? - Do you work here? Are you gonna pay for it?

Internet Men::
Can We Meet Again Sometime, I Really Wanna Know You? - Slow down
What Do You Like In A Man? - Do you have a job?
Do You Like Older/Younger Men? - Do you have a job?
Do You Like White Men? - Do you have a job?
Do You Want To Watch Me Masturbate? - Do you have a job?
I Love Your Hair. - No response.
You Are So Sexy. - No response.

If it weren't so funny it would be pitiful. I hate being single. It is so irritating.
I never understand why men in urban clubs will talk your ear off but not offer to buy you a drink. Men in regular clubs will offer before the conversation gets started.

Men should give you their phone numbers on the back of their business cards rather than slips of paper. If so, then they have just passed test number one.

I have a simple test for men. The test is based on the number of keys that you have in your pocket.
1 - House Key
2 - Car Key
3 - Office Key
The next test is to randomly say, "401K." If he says, "hunh" move on. After that it is smooth sailing.

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