Perception is 9/10ths of Hilarious

I haven't written in some time.
It is summer. I get lazy. Of course, there have been loads of funny stuff happening around me to report. I just haven't sat down to update all of you.
First there is the issue of my sexuality

Last week during lunch a friend told me, "I didn't know you were a lesbian."
Well, neither did I.

I looked at her and responded. "I am not."
Not to be corrected, she reminded me that according to my Facebook status I am in a complicated relationship. She previewed the profile of my complicated partner and learned that she was a female.
Facebook has turned spying into a social activity.

I was not sure what to say.
It wasn't the first time I was dumbstruck when it came to my sexuality.

There was that time in Akron when a lesbian and I became great friends. That is until after a long night of commiserating about my single status she said, "Have you ever thought maybe you do not have a boyfriend because you are not supposed to have one?"

I got it then. All the gifts she had purchased for me when I moved were not housewarming gifts at all. We grew apart and lost touch but her words haunted me for years. I shared the story with a gay friend and he said, "Girl, ain't nothing about you - lesbian." With his affirmation I endured celibacy.

Here I was, five years since that conversation and my friend is looking at me from across the table waiting for an explanation.

On my profile, it used to indicate that I was single and looking. I would have never considered Facebook to be a dating site had it not been for men contacting me about dates. Men I knew from decades prior were telling me that they always thought I had been cute. Nice. Would have made High School a lot more bearable if some guy would have admitted that I was cute and ignored the fact that I was a bit of a nerd.
Seriously. I dated a guy who attended another high school. He was schooled by my classmates that he should dump me because I was eccentric.

Moving into the 21st century.

Between Facebook recommending friends to me and friends hitting on my through Facebook, I was feeling a little overwhelmed. I finally started flirting back with an old college acquaintance. It was fun but I was still receiving flirts from other men.

Is it cheating when you are being poked by other men on Facebook? Are you dating if it started with a poke on Facebook?

I determined that if I list myself as "in a relationship" the flirtations would stop.

My new male companion ignored my relationship confirmation request. I guess it was too early.
I moved on and I am listed as being in a complicated relationship with a friend.

That friend confirmed our "complicated relationship."

I have decided to embrace my complicated heterosexual relationship with a female. Let Facebook maintain its archaic definitions and let people assume what they will.
It is all hilarious to me.