Make her deserted by morning

I saw this poster in a training room on Saturday.

Using google, I attempted to understand it better.

 
It is quite clear to me now.

Your thingy won't go down

This week's GBE2 word prompt is judgment. I had been working on this entry for a few days and realized that it expresses several definitions of judgment.

judgment: An assertion of something believed. (Life is better with chemistry)

I have mentioned a few times that I am back at the gym in another attempt to shed these Paxil pounds I gained back in 2008 and the Prozac belly that followed them. (Acquiring central obesity while in a mellow mood was less satisfying that being anxious and slightly overweight). Fortunately, I have not give up on addressing my PMS and SADs . Whether it is tea, exercise, sex, or a pill, I don't want to be high strung anymore.


I work-out in the recreational center at the local university. Yes, I get sweaty and winded around the beautiful people. Young men and women between 18-24, whose bodies have not acquired the stretch marks that identify the departure of the 20's or the shift of fat that takes place just before one achieves 40 years of age. I am at that age where the simple long-arm wave or high-five gives me pause.
I will wait for you to do the visual on that one. Don't judge me, I have arm fat.

judgment - the cognitive process of reaching a decision or drawing conclusions (the great bag search of 2011)

After some consideration, I realized that this new routine required a new gym bag.
I have been researching gym bags for the past two weeks.
OMG
Selecting the correct gym bag requires careful consideration. You would not believe the technology that goes into a simple gym bag.

1. Ventilated shoe pocket (Keeps dirty shoes from my wet clothes)
2. anti-microbial pocket (to keep wet clothes from becoming smelly wet clothes)
3. Water bottle holder (There's nothing worse that making that 200 yard walk from the car to the gym floor only to realize that I forgot my water bottle)
4. Pocket for mp3 player and wallet (The extra pocket for the items which individually cost more than the bag)
5. U shaped opening (Hot dog! Opens up like a suitcase)
6. Durable self repairing zipper (Self-repairing means that if the zipper spreads open below the slider, you can simply pull the zipper back down to reseal the teeth.; I had to research that one)
   
7. Padded shoulder strap (The bag be heavy, yo)
8. Large enough to hold a towel, makeup bag and shower kit (I can work-out longer if I head straight to work)
9. Lots of handles (Makes it easier to pull out of the locker)

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This subject

cloned rolex watches buy best imitation rolex

From my junkmail folder is quite incoherent. Let's take the sentence apart

Or is it.

I simply do not know.

Perhaps, I spent entirely too much time on that.


eh....


Summer continues and I am still getting veggies from the garden.

Last week's garden haul.
Basil
Zucchini
Cukes
Tomatoes
Cayenne Peppers
Jalapeno peppers
And eggplants

I have been watching the acorn squash. I might be picking it next week.


Yesterday, had to be one of the oddest days so far this Summer. 
Wait.
Despite what you have heard, it is still Summer until next week. I wear white until the equinox. You can deal with it.


 
As a matter of fact, I will be attending a White Wine party. Yes, I thought it was a party featuring only white wine initially. I reread the invitation and pulled out some of my favorite white pieces that I shall wear one more time.

Now, my story
Last week, the storage room emitted a mildew-like smell. We shut the door. This week the stench overwhelmed anyone required to view old files. By Wednesday, the odor lead to the quarantine of the room. I contacted plant facilities.

"Hi, I have a storage room that smells like something may have died it in."
"Oh, that is terrible. I will have the maintenance guys head over to your location after their lunch hour."

That was easy. I waited. An hour latter, four big guys in blue coveralls pile into my office suite. The first guy, I shall refer to him as Al, says

Where do you smell smoke?
I looked shocked. "Smoke? No, it is a dead animal."
"We received a report for the smell of smoke."
"Let me take you to the room and you can smell it for yourself."

I lead the huge guys to the backroom. Two, I recognize as the electricians and the other two as the overall maintenance men for the building. The electricians look annoyed at being called out for a dead animal and not an electrical fire. I guess, we look for different types of excitement in our jobs. 
I open the door and quickly jump back.

"Oh, that is just mildew. You should have the custodians disinfect this room" says Al.
"That is not mildew."

Al, motions to one of the electricians.
Apparently, I am to be ignored for being a woman.

"This is just a strong mildew smell. She should call the custodians to disinfect."
"That is a pretty strong smell," says the electrician at the frame of the storage room door.

In his defense. The room is pretty narrow and is filled with furniture. If he had entered the storage room, it would have been a tight fit. I inform the gentlemen that the smell has gotten worse over the last ten days.

"I am telling you that is not mildew."
"It could be a mouse. Probably in the ceiling tiles," says the electrician

Al begins to walk back and forth in the small room, looking under things and behind boxes for what he assumes to be an nonexistent carcass.
While he searches one of the smaller electricians joins him in the storage room.
The remaining men begin to discuss the time-frame for small animal decomposition. I asked them to stop talking about it.

"Hey there is a beer can in here," shouts Al after a minute or two.

"Don't tell me there is mildew in that can."

I am mortified. He picks up the can to demonstrate.I immediately begin to wonder if one of my staff members has a drinking problem. A problem hidden in the storage room where few people venture.

From where I stood, it looked like a beer can. I am so embarrassed. How do I address this? Do I call HR? Do I start smelling the breaths of my staff? How do I accomplish this being the shortest member of the office? 
Fortunately, Al pulls me from my thoughts.

"This is the source of your smell."

He carries the can out of the room and attempts to induce the electricians into smelling it. Everyone smells it (even his partner in maintenance).  I decline.
Instead, I note that it is not a beer can. It is a meal replacement shake.

I have an employee trying to secretly lose or gain weight.......Arghhhhh


He carries the can out of the suite with an extended hand. Everyone in the office pinches their respective noses as he walks past them. Being too dignified to pinch my nose, I opt to holding my finger under the bridge while glaring at each member of the office.


In conclusion,
it takes two electricians, two maintenance men and one stubborn woman to remove a nasty smell from the storage room.
P.S. 
No one admitted to leaving the can in the storage room. I really don't care.

Make her Yearn More of You

Part 2
I decided to break up the last post into child sized bites.
Continuing with my reflections of what it was like to be children.


What if playground rules applied to work situations:
Remember these:

1. Listen to and obey the supervisors.

That is a classic playground rule. Unfortunately, in the real world sometimes our supervisors are more like playground bullies or socially inept smart kid. Our bosses are not the kind playground lady or our protective parents. It is hard to take someone seriously that leaves work for two hours to reapply a broken “Lee Press On” nail. Or report to someone who never seems to get things done but is a really great guy.

2. Use the playground equipment safely, following all rules.

I wish that I could affix a sign that read this…. "Don't walk away from a paper jam" on the office copier. It is completely frustrating to go to the copier in a good mood only to realize that some butthole has left the copier with a jam or an error message and has not bothered to notify the program head or contact the service department.

It is like some stupid childhood game where you put the broken toy back in the bin, fart just before you leaving a room or scatter when something gets broken.

3. No chasing, kicking, fighting, play fighting, pushing, shoving, wrestling, spitting

Ahhh. We can’t do any of these things so we do other stuff like.. 1. linking people’s paperclips together, 2. leaving food to rot in the refrigerator, taking office supplies, 3.damaging the copier, 4. putting colored paper in the printer, 5. withholding mail or faxes, 6. unplugging coffee makers, printers, and fax machines, 7.hoarding napkins, 8.yelling “Hello or Good Morning” halfway down the hall to people you don’t like or don’t like you just to unnerve them and 9. publicly or loudly harassing people for going out to lunch and not inviting you.


4. No profanity, name-calling, or teasing

I find this to be difficult from time to time. I can say “Oh Pooh Bear, ”"Dagnabit" or “Mother of God” so many times before I just want to play some gangster rap on the Internet radio station.

Doesn’t everyone in an office have a nickname? “Queen of the Damned” was really funny for awhile. “The Minions”, “The Yes Mayamer”, “The Figurehead” “The Secretary who doesn’t want to be called a secretary”, simply “Unhappy”, “The Counselor.” "The King of Cover up"." The “On her/his Way Out” guy/gal is the person that we avoid.

5. No throwing ice, ice balls, snow, snowballs, rocks, stones, or anything that could hurt someone.

Just thinking about this one is making me have giggling fits. Papercuts hurt. So does leaning over, stooping down or lifting the copier or printer to find the dawgone paper jam. Hell, black ink all over my clothes because no one bothered to mention that the printer was out of ink, that really SUCKS.

Keep in mind: Throwing reports at people the day before you need them even though you knew about your meeting with the division head two months ago is like throwing an ice ball at someone's head.

The playground I understood, office spaces - I endure.

http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/slideshows/1061/slideshow_106198/display_image.jpg?x=227531

6. No visiting or talking to people in cars, on the sidewalks, or any strangers.
This is probably a good rule to remember from the playground. Once I told a friend that she could visit me at work. I guess that I had forgotten to tell her that I was part-time because the day she came to visit me she shouted, “you are never here!” in front of the secretary and my supervisor. I can’t imagine why anyone would think that is an appropriate comment to say aloud with witnesses.
I think this rule should be amended for office environment. It should read, “No visiting or talking to people in cars, on sidewalks, in cubicles on the other side of the suite, hollering down the hallway or to any strangers.”

But then I would have to follow that rule. Cubicles make me too lazy to walk over to someone and have normal conversation. It is so much easier to push myself away from my desk and call out to someone in the break room which I can see from my door. Heck, we have an intranet instant messenger but we still shout over our cubicle walls.

Cubicle visiting is fun. But sometimes it can hurt you when you are noticed too long at a cubicle of the “On the way out guy” when he is on his way out. Come on, we all treat those people as if they have some form of cooties when it is obvious that they are being pushed out of their jobs. They become the creepy guy in the white van watching the kids play.

7. TREAT ALL CHILDREN AND ADULTS KINDLY AND RESPECTFULLY.

There are some easily identified forms of harassment that takes place in the office. There is, of course, sexual harassment, age harassment and then there is hostile environment harassment. I am sure that you can think of examples of each. I have an example of hostile environment harassment that no one ever considers. I call it “Greeting” bullying.It is like telling someone that they have a bad case of the Mondays because they did not greet you with the same level of Prozac induced enthusiasm. You remember bullying from the playground.

Once I was labeled the “One who does not speak to her co-workers” girl because my allergies clogged my ears and my throat. The episode reminded me of the whispers I heard about the girl who showed the boys her panties during recess. (I know what you are thinking but it wasn't me.)

Working life differs from children's games in that when you play on the dodge ball team no one can just take a time out because the cute boy walked onto the playground. In the office environment, it is difficult to maintain confidence and respect for someone who on the day before a major report is due leaves the conference room to take chicken soup to her sick (rich) boyfriend and doesn’t return.

We must remember to play fair like we did on the playground when adults were watching. If no one will play by the rules imagine squeezing the heads of your coworkers with your thumb and index finger.

Earth may once have had two moons

http://www.facebook.com/groups/209032889129479/

i am beginning to suspect that i have fleas

I was dared to post that sentence as the first line of my next blog.You are welcome.


Today's blog topic is children.
I explored several directions before I committed to a topic.
Originally, I considered another Other People's Kids entry.
For those of you who follow my blog, you know that I have been reported the antics of my sisters kids and my cousin's kids since 2005.
I have been using the tag OPK since 2009.A retired teach friend mentioned to me one day that she wanted to write a book titled, "Other People's Kids."
I recently watched Lil'T and Trey but I will save that day of hilarious for another blog.
Instead I want to pick up a few things from my childhood. I pulled three blog entries from my archives to assist with this post. I made edits and updates so, almost technically, I have not plagiarized myself.


I liked childhood. Back then I used to have fantastical imaginations.
I remember wishing that I could do anything as recorded in this post from 2007.

I have been thinking for awhile about what I would do if i had the means to do anything.
Here goes...
I would create a Smurf channel on cable TV. It would play all the episodes of the Smurfs all day long.
No. I will play episodes of the Superfriends Hour, Smurfs, Space Ghost hour and Mighty Mouse.
I would permit subordinates to order Mental Health days for their directors. It would be for the mental health of the subordinate.
People who get their hair done in weekly up-dos, buns, hair pieces or goddess braids would be obligated by law to also have pedicures as frequently.
Dr. Pepper vending machines would be easier to find.
"Seventy percent off sales" would occur more frequently.
I would be able to remember people's names.
There would always be wine, vodka, tequila, gin and rum in my house.
I would only have one chin.
It would never snow in April.
There would be more Riddick movies.
Someone would detail my car every few months.
There would be more episodes of Futurama, funny episodes of Family Guy and another season of the Boondocks.
All of my student loans would be paid off and I could work for the sheer pleasure of it.
I would become my own Handyman and be able to fix, make or do anything to my own house.
Aging would be optional.
The Shoe man would make house calls. He would shine and repair my shoes on site and we could have a great time playing dress-up.

I imagined that I had superpowers. Today, I just want to feel like my doctors are actually listening to me.
When we were children we played by rules. 
We also had short attention spans so I am continuing this topic in a second post