Overheard

Last month I had an appointment with one of my specialist.

Yes, once you pass 35 you will have specialists. Just keep living.

This one is in a small medical building. The reception area is in one suite while his patient rooms are in another. I am escorted by his nurse to his patient area. On this day, a guy stops my nurse to inform her that the restroom door is locked. She looked at me then said to him, "is someone in there?" He repeats, "I want to use the restroom but the door is locked." She says, "Someone is probably in there." He was unconvinced.
She walks to the restroom door and knocks. The guys inside yells, "give me a minute!"
We both look at the idiot and she says, "when the door is locked it means that it is occupied."

Douchebag

Last week, I visited a local landmark to purchase wine bottles. I am attempting to create a mint infused vodka cocktail. I get the bottles from the outlet, pick the mint from my yard, add simple syrup, white brandy and vodka. It takes a few weeks. I can't wait.

While at the checkout counter, a woman with an accent interrupts the cashier to ask; "Is there another outlet?"

I should mention that this store is a 'must-see' destination for tourists. It has everything and is one of my favorite "last minute gift" resources. So, a woman with an accent at the store is not unusual. It makes me very proud of my hometown.

The cashier answered, "No. This is the only outlet."
She asks, "Well, isn't there another outlet on Erie St?"
Now, I have turned so that I can see her face.
He responds, "This is Erie St."
Ignoring him she says, "Well, I know that this is the Erie St. Market. But where is the outlet on Erie St?"
My mouth begins to drop, like 'waaaah?'
He motions to the front of the building, "That is Erie street out there and this is the Erie St. Market."
She counters with, "I could not find Erie street on any map at all. It is very confusing. "
I glance at the counter and see business cards that have an image of a map on them to indicate the location of the Outlet on Erie Street at the Erie street market I imagine throwing them at her. Besides, she was at the freaking market why was she confused.
He repeats, "That is Erie street out there and this is the Erie St. Market."
She mumbles something about maps being useless for finding the Erie St Market as she continues to walk around the Outlet at the ERIE STREET MARKET.

I verified that I was not asleep and this was reality and I began to wonder why she could not connect her current location to the one she sought. She found the Erie St Market and was shopping in the Outlet but she was not convinced.

Noodelhead.

Other People's Kids report

I watched Trey this weekend. I arranged a playdate with my friend's son and they played till they passed out on the floor.
it was almost 1 am when we got back to my house. I carried him into the house, into the bathroom and instructed him to "use the potty."
I left the room to get his toothpaste and brush.
When I returned, I found him fiddling with his pants. I began to assist him only to realize that he had relived himself already.
Since I had carried him up two flights of stairs, I knew that he HAD been dry. Which meant that he had misinterpreted my instructions as permission to just let himself go.
I giggled too hard to be angry and got him ready for bed, which he refused to sleep in. Trey insisted that I make a pallet on the floor for him. Go figure. BTW he remained dry all night.

My sister called me last night. She wanted to know what to do about her 12 month old's cough. I guess that she thought I would have suggestions because when we visited our mother my allergy to her dog caused me to cough uncontrollable.
Anyway. I am not a doctor. I am not a mother.
I couldn't figure out why she had forgotten these facts. So I gave her the most outrageous advice thinking that she would get the obvious~ I have no idea how to care for a sick infant.
I told her to take a damp sheet and cover the baby's crib to keep out the dust and assist her cough.
I think she may have actually attempted this. Maybe I should give more advice.