Bender: Not enough room? My place is 2 cubic meters and we only take up 1.5 cubic meters. We've got room for a whole 'nother 2/3rds of a person
I am buying a single family dwelling in my hometown. The original blog on yahoo was all about being a new homeowner. I searched for months for this house. I selected it based on assumptions that I made about my life at that time. I thought things were going to happen that would make the house a perfect place to start a new life. Those things did not occur.
I had a 1200 square foot house and six months later, I had my first housemate. About a year after that I had my second. And since then I have kept an average of 1.5 housemates at a time.
Having housemates helped me to plan several renovations earlier than scheduled. I use all the monies that I receive from rent for the house in the form of repairs, updates, and maintenance. A douchebag has said to me on several occasions, "with so many roommate, you should have lots of money." Who gets roommates in order to make money? That is the purpose of rental property. This is my home.
After five years as a homeowner, I have found that I prefer living with someone else. I just go nutty by myself. When my current housemates move on to their own home owning adventures I will twiddle my thumbs until I find someone else.
| Bender's Bender | ||||
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| Ugly Americans New Episodes | Nick Swardson's Pretend Time | Night of Too Many Stars |
Then there are the events of a few weeks ago.
I arrived home to a slightly tipsy housemate, Raynell. I asked her if she planned to drink for the rest of the evening. She indicated to me that she planned to get "pissy drunk." She had had a hard week of training for her new assistant manager position. I decided that I would purchase the next round of beers for us. I felt like some relaxing beer smuggery with the housemate. I sent a text to a work friend letting him know that I planned to relax at home with a cold beer or four. He suggested that we relax together after a hard week of work. In my case, a hard week of data entry and records review. In his case, a hard week all around.
First, I had to tell housemate #2. that I had company. I spoke with Stoney. She tweets so much of her life, that I will not be surprised to find descriptions of her BMs on there in the near future. I said to her, "Stoney, I am expecting company. You will need to refrain from tweeting it." Do you know someone with whom you have to actively remind to participate in real life rather than broadcasting your collective activities on Twitter? It is silly.
I then informed Raynell, that I would not only be purchasing the next 12 pack but that we would be honored with a guest for our beer unwinding event.
Back to my company. I will refer to him as VW. He is a friend from work that I have known for years really and isn't something for Stoney to tweet about. My Facebook profile DOES indicate that I am single, so there was really no harm being done. I merely wanted to cut-off any speculations about my company from Stoney's twitter friends.
The evening went well. We watched The Color of Magic 
and drank copious amounts of beer. Don't you find it embarrassing to have to excuse yourself to use the bathroom? Even when it is your own house? I did. So I waited until VW excused himself and I would take his absence to use the other bathroom. Which led me to the basement bathroom that Raynell uses rather exclusively.
I enter her domain and tell her that I have to use the bathroom. She yells at me, "you better not be shitting in my bathroom," I reminded her that I pay the mortgage and I will very well BM wherever I want. She reminded me that she pays rent to be able BM in that particular toilet at her will. I countered with "That is why you park in the garage and not on the street." She replied, "Don't be sh*tting in there." I realized that she was unnecessarily loud. I walked over to her and noticed the glazed over look in her eyes and realized that she had accomplished her goal.
This scene occurred two more times over the course of the evening. I accepted it like hair in the drain or three open jars of salsa in the fridge. I cringed each time hoping that no one could hear her drunken ramblings.
I thought her outbursts would be the most embarrassing component of the evening. Nope.
After my 3rd beer, the doorbell rang after 10 p.m.
I waited. I heard no one heading for the door to meet a delivery guy. I finally headed toward the door after about a minute or so. I spied Stoney at the top of the stairs. I asked her if she expected company. That jerk says, "Were yooooooooooooooooou expecting company?"
A strange man is at the door, another on my couch, and she is making jokes. She continues with, "Were you expecting company tonight" several more times. I stared at her in disbelief. She made it obvious that I was NOT expecting company and the idea of a surprise visitor made me uncomfortable. She finally admitted that the company was for her.
Of course it would. Jerk. A handsome man, six bottles of beer, and a purring cat are hard to explain to unexpected guests.
I can only hope for revenge and patience.
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