Spend this night boning her

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

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Since my roommate moved out, I have had only Fuzzy to keep me company at night. So I guess that I have been paying more attention to her behavior.
For instance, I caught her doing an impression of ceiling cat in the basement.

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She exited from a small opening that led to the area above the basement drop ceiling and under the main floor. I wondered what she could be up to in there and then quickly put it out of my head.
Until, I spotted a stain on ceiling tiles.
I removed the tile and found some very strange stuff. Leaves. Like from the Fall.
Eh.
I made a call to Uncle Handyman and told him that I wanted him to come over.Remember the groundhog burrow under my garden? I figured that somehow the leaves had blown in at the start of the season. Sometime after April when AT and T pulled down ALL the ceiling tiles to replace my telephone wires. Besides, the garden was done for the season seeing how all the veggies were eaten the week before.
I couldn't schedule him to come to the house right away because I work late Tuesday thru Thursday and that weekend I had events to attend. The groundhog burrow and leaves in my basement could wait a little while longer.
Fuzzy started acting strange again. I noticed around Sunday night that she had stopped eating.
Tuesday morning as I am leaving for the gym I smelled something awful in the living room. I see Fuzzy pawing at floor near the couch and remember that I forgot to clean her liter box.
Feeling remorse, I drop my bags and look under the couch to see where she poo'd.
I spotted one of my elephant toys under the couch and cried, "Not Ellie." Fuzzy surely had poo'd all over Ellie in retribution for my not cleaning her litter box.
I pushed the toy back behind the couch with a broom and climbed the couch to reach out with my gloved hand to grab the filthy toy.

It Blinked.

I screamed.

Fuzzy ran.

Well, Fuzzy sure was helpful.
I called a friend and described the animal through gasping breaths.
It was a possum.
I called Leeza, next door, and told her about it. She came over with a net. Yes, the same net she brought over last year when I had the bat in my bathroom.

The neighbors were a godsend.
Leeza insisted on taking a picture of it.

After some silly running around to rearrange furniture, we realized that we were out of our league. I walked out onto my porch, observed the houses with lights at 7 am and picked the neighbor who I liked more.

She sent her husband over and the three of us created a pathway out of the house for the possum that was in no mood to leave. Finally, Leeza got her German Shephard to coax the creature out of the house.

And he sure did. Coaxed the poo right out of the possum all over my living room.

We finally got the dog away from the possum and the possum into the net.

Here it is playing possum. In the second picture it is pooping again.

During all of this my horrible sister made numerous "helpful" calls,
1. "No one from the city will remove a possum. They are vicious."
2. "Be sure to use gloves, possums carry diseases"
3. "You should check your basement. Possum's have ten babies"
4. "Kitty litter on the possum poop is a good idea. That stuff is a hell to clean up"
5. "My co-worker said that you should buy two animal traps: one for the outside and one for the inside"
6. "If you don't catch them all, they will just keep coming back"

After thanking my neighbors, walking past the poo filled living room to sit in my upstairs bedroom, I decided to draft some poetry while I calmed myself:

The groundhog eats from

the garden treats and invites

possum for nightcaps

Small possum all alone

Wonder where large possums go

After sunrises 

Goldilocks critter

cat food not too hot or cold

kitty traps the thief 

Stuffed toy under chair

Does not blink but possums do

Kitty runs and hides 

Barkless dog sniffs prey

Jaws clamps down and poops exhudes

From possums stink hole 

I posted the verses on Facebook and my online friends helped me to get back to my life and head to work. So, it would seem that I had a lot of help from my friends in getting my house back to normal. Too bad I had ignored all of Fuzzy's signs that something was wrong in my house.

Lazy Days

I was reading Disappearing Nightly by Laura Resnick and Little Cat decided to catch a few Zzzzs . 

 She startled me with her boldness.





As suddenly as she had deposited herself, she left.  
 I just do know know what to think about that. 

The blazing stars are here! 









Peppers!

I have several varieties. We use them with tomatoes and just about everything else.  I harvested five this weekend and they went into the sloppy joe mix. 

And here he is.  Casually standing under the rhubarb.  I finally asked my roommate if she had any information about the gnome.  She just smiled and said, "yes, that is curious." 

Caught, the lazy buggers

My roommate rearranged the clutter in her room. These suitcases have been sitting in the hallway ever since.

She had them standing upright. Each morning, I would find them scattered about the floor.
I finally caught the culprit.
He looks like he is packed and ready to go somewhere.  He certainly does not want to get his coat wet. 

Every day I head home after a long day of working. I like to stop in the kitchen get a snack or a drink.  Head upstairs to change into my t-shirt and shorts.  In the past, as I approached my bedroom, I would hear a small THUMP and then Little Cat would appear.  It was nice to see her at the upstairs railing begging for a pet.  As the years have gone by, I guess she doesn't care to meet me at the front door or before I enter my bedroom.  Lately, she is still sleeping on the bed as I am taking off my work shoes.
She has a special mat to lie upon.  She has apparently begun snubbing it favoring to sleep with a pillow at her head?????? Is she a cat or a person?

She casually lifts her head, stretches, then drops down from the bed to toddle to her water dish.  Heaven save me if it is empty. She will mew at me while I am undressing until I fill it with fresh water.  There is no rubbing against my legs. No purring to encourage me to pet her.  None of that.  Just an "oh, you are home"  attitude.

I wonder if she thinks that I do not work hard enough...

I am clearly not in charge

Today, I embarrassed a young man.  While standing near the stairwell of a busy college library, I informed a young man about 20 feet away who was being escorted by a gaggle of women, that his pants were falling down and that he should pull them up.

Everyone stopped to look at him. 

I thanked him after he pulled them up.  

Earliar today, a student explained to me that his sweatpants fell below his waist due to the missing string in the waistband.  I shared with him the well-known trick of tying the ends of the waistband string together before washing the athletic wear.  He thanked me for the tip.

I was on a role until I tried to give blood.  

After two very painful pinpricks the attendant handed to me a memo about high iron foods.

I have been taking ferrous sulfate for more than two months. Meaning that I have had constipation for more than two months.  In response, I must take magnesium sulfate to alleviate the bowel rocks.  That is a lot of sulfate and still I have low iron and rock hard stools.  

Just keep living....

I cannot always control my health, the waistband of young people and I certainly cannot control my cat.  

When Lilcat pissed onto my wood floor, I reallocated some budget categories to take her to the vet. I was okay with replacing pee soaked cushions of the outdoor furniture but not a ruined living room floor.

I borrowed the cat kennel from the neighbor.  Even though she had never seen it before, she would not go near it.  It was as if she knew its purpose.  

It took some maneuvering but I got her in the kennel.  She whined and moaned the entire five blocks to the vet.

The vet needed to collect a urine sample to diagnose a feline UTI.  

He explained that the infection can lead to frequent urination.  The cat pees where ever she is because she can not make it to the litter box.  He said that sometimes cats associate the pain of urinating with the litter box and will piss outside of it for relief. Lilcat was also a shy kitty.  She would not use the box if anyone was within earshot.  Mabye the UTI made her nervous. 

Either way, I have a cat peeing on my hardwood floor.  

I left her there for the entire day. 

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She refused to pee for the Vet.  He had to use a syringe to collect the urine. I am sure that he charged me for that.

Damn cat.

Pees on my floor but not for the doctor.

Poor Lilcat not only had an infection but she had crystals in her urine.

Doctor prescribes a special diet from which there can be no deviation.

Now, I have never strictly followed a diet in my life.  

This is how the conversations went.

She will need to eat the special diet food and nothing else. ~ Dr. Vet
 
You do not understand what you are asking me to do. ~ Frizzy
 
If she eats anything else, it will lessen the effect of the medicine. ~ Dr. Vet with just a little bit of gray.
What about her treats? She gets treats everyday. You cannot ask me to take away her treats  ~ Flirty Frizzy

At this point one of the nurse excuses herself to laugh.  I would not be moved on this issue.  These cats are plotting against me as it is. I cannot just change their culinary lifestlye without considering the effect on me and my furniture.

Explain the treats to me. ~ Dr. Cute Vet

 She gets a pouch every night between 3 and 4 am and on Fridays she receives a cruchy kitty treats.  There will be ramifications if there are no treats~ "I love my cat"   Frizzy

I am actually talking about both of my cats.  Each will have to eat the special diet food. 

Well, what would happen if there were no treats? ~  Dr. Vet in a calming voice

She will mew and mew and sit herself by the bathroom door and mew at me.  She will whine and follow me around until I give her the treat.  You cannot ask me to do this. Oh Gawd. What if she gets angry and pees on my furniture?  ~ Almost hysterical Frizzy

Well, you can feed her the cat food from your hand. She will think they are her treats.  ~ Smart Ass Dr. Vet

No, that will not work.  She must hear the sound of the pouch being opened.  ~ Frizzy " I know my cat"

I understand, my wife and I have five cats.  But we want Lilcat to get better. Don't we?  ~ Not cute anymore married Dr. Vet

By now, the nurse has returned. She informs us that the medicine food is available in pouch and canned form.  

We both express a sigh of relief.  

Except I now realize that I am a crazy cat lady.  

I can't handle the stress of any more cats. Lilcat will surely be my last

Crafty Update

I am still working on the Ruana.  I had to order yarn from three different online vendors.  One of the colors that I am using is discontinued and another was named Maroon under two different colorway numbers.  The discontinued yarn seems to have been given two colorway numbers as well.  I have had to order by name and not number.  Argh.

Pests

I found this crime scene in my drive way a few weeks ago. 

The remains of a once proud fat bird.  Sometimes, I feel guilty about keeping a bird feeder with so many stray cats in my neighborhood.

 I know cats can be ruthless predators, so when I found a bat in my bathroom, I expected the house cats to handle it.

Oh.  You don't know about the bat, do you?

Two weeks ago, I saw that the bath shelf  behind the tub was dark as if full of mold and dirt.  I exited the tub and reentered with my robe. 
I moved the product stand to clean behind it.  For some reason, I am the only one who bothers to clean under the shelf.
I saw what looked like a pile of hair.   I became annoyed.
Then if flew at me.

I ran out of the bathroom.  Stood in the middle of the upstairs hallway and started screaming.  Thirty seconds elapsed before my roomie deigned to check on me.
Later she would tell me that she thought I had been yelling about the hair she had left in the tub after her shower.

She also told me that I began stuttering while I tried to tell her about the bat.

I can only imagine.
Thinking that I must have mistaken the bat for a common household spider, she entered the bathroom.

Do you see it??????
She looked in the bathroom.

This was taken just before the bat flew across the length of the tub and we both shut ourselves into our respective bedrooms.

There are any number of immediate responses to finding a bat in your bathroom.

I began calling male relatives.  

My roomie - updated her Facebook status.  

Seriously.

While I was calling the neighbor to send her husband over to remove the bat she was replying to comments. The husband was out of town but she said that after the kids were finished with choir practice she would help me to remove the bat. 

I went to the houses of other neighbors and asked wives if their husbands were free and roomie was set up her video camera.  

When I got back to the house, we reasoned that the cats would catch the bat. 

She tried to trick the cats into entering the bathroom.   I admit. I thought that it was a good plan. 

The cats would not find the bat.
If you can see the video you may be able to hear me in the background yelling at my cousin for suggesting that I hire a pest remover. 

Finally, she agreed to take care of the bat.
In this video she is Searching for the pest
We found the bat hanging from the silk flower arrangement. 


After much giggling, our efforts resulted in a
Removal

A few minutes later, my neighbor arrived at the door with both her kids in tow, a net and her own video camera.

I guess, I was the odd one. 

They are plotting against me

Watching, waiting....

Here she is plotting her attack.


This is the Don.  He is giving me the evil eye. 

This is a ploy to make me feel relaxed and in control. 

He is driving me insane

I would like to take a moment to write about my home life.

I have several housemates. One is very demanding.

Each morning I walk to the bathroom between 5:50 and 6:30 am. Each morning my housemate is waiting for me. He grunts at me. Sounds like “Meh.”

I usually respond, “Leave me alone.”

He is still there after I use the bathroom. I don’t understand him. He could use the bathroom before leave my bedroom. It is as if he wants to be irritated with me every single morning.

So, I end up yelling at him, "Screw you!"

I try to exit the bathroom as quickly as possible. Sometimes, I try not to check for him – to see if he is still waiting for me. When he catches my quick glance he always grunts “MEH.” Always a little louder the second time.

If I am lucky, he will be gone by the time I am ready to depart for work. I am rarely lucky. He is a sentinel. Guarding the bathroom door or guarding the stairway. I don’t know which. I just want to be left alone.

MEH

It is louder the third time. He voice rings in my ears as I scramble down the stairs to exit through the kitchen.

Sometimes, I will stop just to yell at him, “Leave me alone.”

In the evenings, I am convinced that he waits for the garage door to open before he races upstairs just so that he is at the top of the landing and the entrance to the bathroom

MEH

His grunts get pretty aggressive as the sun wanes.

Gosh, he is so annoying. He always wants a fresh glass of water. He wants me to get it for him. But it must be perfect. The correct temperate. Must be clean. Once I tried to add some lemon juice to his water. He was furious.

I just want him to leave me alone.

Yesterday, I set some water in front of him; I walked back to my bedroom and discovered that he had pushed it away from him. As if it was not good enough for him. I was so offended.

You are probably wondering why I permit this behavior in my own house. I was forced to permit him to live under my roof. He was a package deal when one of my friends came to live with me. I don’t want her to leave so I have to accept this horrible creature. She adores him. I cannot figure out why. He is so demanding.

I am constantly cleaning up after him. Demanding and messy. The spot that he guards in front of the stairs and near the bathroom is attracted to his hair. He is fastidious groomer but doesn’t pick up after himself. Gross.

MEH

That cat is driving me insane.

Every morning he wants fresh water. Every evening fresh water. Perfect water. He has his own dish in another part of the house. Why does he pester me?

He is like the brown spot in the carpet. The one you see every single day because you have to walk past it. The one you don't want to deal with...... Yes, that brown spot.

My lasted crocheted brooch. A pink tea rose.

My Life with Kittehs

It was 2:20 am when I heard the sound. It was a howl. Like a lone tiger calling for its mate in the Ohio wilderness.
Only it wasn't the wilderness, it was urban NW Ohio. It wasn't a wolf, but my housemate's overweight cat. He wasn't calling for his mate. He has been neutered.
I immediately got up. I guess it would be likened to a mother jumping out of the bed at the sound of a child crying. Yes, it is just like that.

I ran downstairs and asked Fattie, "what is wrong."
He started pacing and howling again. I followed his gaze to the windows. I searched the porch for the source of his frustration. Was there something on the porch that had upset the cat?
I found nothing.
I went back to Fattie Cat. I wondered, what could be bothering him.

Then it hit me. Where was Skinny Kitty? I hadn't seen her since mid morning.
I walked around the house. Looking for Kitty. Fattie followed me in an anxious huff. Then I heard a "thump" on the second floor. It could have only been Kitty jumping down from something. I looked for her in my closet. Nothing. In the yarn room closet. Nothing.

Then I heard her meow. She had been locked in the other roommates bedroom. OOOOOOH.
Skinny Kitty ran out when I opened the door but stopped at the top of the stairs as if to say "thank you" to Fattie Cat.
Yeah, Fattie was just sitting on the top step as I searched for Kitty.

Fattie looked at me and yowled again. Walked over to the water dish that he insists I keep maintained with fresh water. He indicated with his nose that it needed to be refilled. As he usually does.

There have been occasions where he has wakened me up from a leisurely nap to fill his dish. He will crawl under my bed and meow until I get up. Fattie will casually trot to my door, check to see if I am following him then proceed to stop at the water dish. He has trained me well. ..... Oh did I mention that his original water/food dish is kept in the basement. He seems to think that he deserves fresh water on the second floor as well as the basement.

I filled it with water from the bathroom sink. He looked at it, meowed and then looked at me again.

I sighed. He doesn't like the dish to have any cat hair in it when he drinks from it. So I cleaned the water dish before filling it yet again with fresh water. He approached it. Sniffed it and then began to drink. Skinny Kitty cautiously sauntered next to him and drank, too.

For good measure, I gave them some kitty treats before sneaking back into my bed unnoticed. It was now 2:50 am

Crafty Update

I am working on a blanket for my across the street neighbor who is having a little girl this Fall. I am using this openwork pattern with the prettiest pink yarn.

I have almost completed the shawl that I am making to cover my shoulders during the long and cold conference meetings in Charleston in two weeks. Brrrrr.

Mark my text, I will not volunteer for another traveling scarf group. The premise is easy. Start a scarf mail it to the next person. She/he adds to it and mails it on. And so on until it gets back to you. They are nerve wracking when life makes you too busy to keep up with sending/receiving. I have three scarves mocking me right now. Just sitting on my floor. Waiting for me to add 8 inches and mail them to the next person.

I expect to finish the granny square blanket this month. Wish me luck!

My First Lolcat

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Reload No More Strays

This is a post from another journal of mine. I thought that i would finally update my LiveJournal with this relevation

I thought that iw Okay, some of you do not know that i live by myself. Well, had this great roommate who is also a great friend that lived with me until April. I miss her a lot. I got used to having someone around. Someone to talk to. Someone to help out with the crazy high utility bills. I thought that it would be easy to find someone else to live with me. I was wrong. All I have found are strays. And let me tell you taking in a stray is always a bad move.



Strays

Some Definitions

“Stray” means any animal that does not appear, upon reasonable inquiry, to have an owner/guardian

Homeless person is an individual who lacks a fixed, regular, and adequate nighttime residence

For some stray animals “follow them home” for me stray humans do the same and I have a heck of a time getting them housetrained or to leave.

I had a cat that was an adopted stray GEEZ that was a nightmare. She pooed everywhere but in her litter box. She chose the bath mat, any corner with accumulated dust, an empty room. I secretly hoped that my roommate would take the cat for a drive. If she did it then I could be free of my unmitigated desire to get rid of her without actually doing it and dealing with related guilt. I kept shooting mental commands at my roommate to take the cat, take her away. I finally left open the door to a room with a broken window. Wheh. Finally, I have admitted it. Now the speculation about what happened to the cat can end. I did it. I shut her in a room with a window open and hoped she would free herself. I blocked out the memory of what i had done and actually accused my roommate of doing something sinister to the cat. I tell people know that she ran away.

My first human stray was Armondoma (-oma means tumor). And a stray he was. No possession just a few bags of clothes, a clock radio, cell phone, space heater and george foreman grill. I guess by homeless people standards he was better off than most. I didn’t pick him for a stray right away because he had family in the area. My mistake. The fact that he obsessed over Mariah Carey, hung out at his job for hours on his days off and recorded ten hours of soap operas and videos everyday didn’t register as a loser. Even when he slept with the light on because he was afraid of the dark- I didn't see it coming. No, it wasn't until i found myself hiding from him at night becuase he would trap me in the kitchen. He had this fantasy that the 19 year old that he worked with and was in a 3-year relationship with his girlfriend was really gay. The girlfriend, whom he hated, had done something to him. The two had been friends since Andy was 17, Drea started working there and now they are a couple. Of course, Armondoma and the guy's relationship would never be the same as long as Armonda had a crush on Andy. I couldn't take it. I finally told the Drea that Armondoma was trying to convince me and everyone else that she had turned a gay man to straight. It made a lot of sense to her because she had no idea why Armondoma was so hostile to her. The Andy, 19 year old boyfriend, finally had to complain to management that he was being sexually harassed by a 36 year old man. All three of them worked at the movie theaters. Ever see the MAD tv skit about ushers? Yeah, it really is like that.

The worst kind of stray is a family friend or a relative. After I cut Armondoma out of my house I asked my relative Imakronikliar (Im-A-Kro-nic-Li-ar) stay with me. Imakronikliar had me going, talking about making a change and just needing some help to get there. I was so happy to have that tumor removed that I didn’t see that Imakronikliar a mouth disease, liarosis. After about two months, I found myself just as unhappy as I had been living with the tumor. Once, I had yelled at ImaKronicLiar for canceling one of my favorite shows on the DVR. I yelled at ImaKronicLiar often, long and loud. It really didn’t matter what was done to irritate me, it didn’t matter if I overreacted. Hell, it didn’t matter if I was wrong. I changed the locks on my doors one lock at a time. Just imagine. You arrive home. There are two locks on the door and for no apparent reason, one lock does not turn with your key. I am sure it was bewildering and upsetting to never know when or where I would strike next. I am sure Imakronikliar got the picture. GET the HELL OUT. When he finally left he had pissed me off so bad, i gave his clothes to Goodwill. Imagine the attendant starting at me as i handed to her very expensive men's clothing. i know what she wanted to ask me. Yet, i would not say.