A reminder to remain vigilante

This is a fun, "fictional" story for this week's GBE2 prompt.  The challenge: create an interesting story to explain how, a fellow blogger Jane, ended up with 27 stitches.  

Let's listen as Jane is recounting her memoirs to us some time after the stitches have healed.

I was surrounded. I had lost track of time as I walked the perimeter of the gated community.I instinctively reached for my dagger.
Argh. I could not feel it in my waist-belt any longer.

I needed to get moving. I didn't have the luxury to stand in shock. I could already hear the first sounds of soft shoes shuffling on dirt. I knew what was coming next when I heard da-dum dum dum DUM dah.
I swear that I hate bass guitars and the ominous notes of a sound machine

The Thriller Zombie crew had arrived I couldn't see them, but I could hear the synchronized dance routine in full swing. I ran back into the house to sound the alarm for the neighboring cul-de-sacs.
As I entered the room, I walked past the the helpful sign on the fridge. I keep asking myself, is it really so helpful when they are actually here?

No time to consider this.

Last week Greenville Heights militia succumbed to the Carlton Dance Zombie crew.
Such a gruesome scene with Body parts everywhere
Those zombie arms tend to fly off from the joints and sockets when they get into the full swing. If I cared, I would consider the impressive mental capability of a rotting brain that knows to replace those missing limbs with the parts of their victims. I didn't.

Walking through the house I knew, I was distracted.
I keep trailing back to thoughts of last year's standoff with the Rubberband Zombies. Their tuxedos in tatters, their use of viscera to affect the dance routine still makes me shudder.
Everyone fears the Rhythm Nation Zombies. With good reason. That is one organized army of ghouls.They took down Armstead Heights United in two days.

It was a cool night. I sniffed. They were closer.
I could smell the decay of the crew on the wind.
The zombies shouldn't be out at this time of the year. Stupid warm winter.
Yet, I could hear the footsteps and the swish of the arm movements.
I was doing it again. Stroking my cheek and the scar embedded into its flesh.
I willed my hand to get a grip on some weapons instead. I pulled my thoughts back to the Thriller threat. I need to continue searching for weapons and sound the alarm.Not think about the scar on my cheek.
I do it anyway. it has been about a week now.
I got too close to a tambourine. Much, much too close.
A high heeled, tight satin pant wearing ghoul jerked it toward me as it attempted to feast from shoulder. My roommate had to give me 27 stitches.
Damn,Raspberry Beret Zombies. If I ever see you again, I will set the edges of your ruffled shirts on fire before I consider using a weapon to end your miserable undead life.

Raspberry Beret - Prince by abelflexes

Raspberry Beret - Prince by abelflexes

You deserved to have 8" peen

Some of you know my deepest concerns about being prepared for disasters.

My instinct tells me to be ready.

I have numerous thoughts that keep me forever diligent. My mind races with options and scenarios.

I keep in my head puzzles that keeps me on the lookout for resources, skills that I can acquire, and people I need to know in order to solve eventual issues.
What would I take with me? What would I leave behind. I have been avoiding attachments to large items that I can't carry.

I consider keeping my keys in my car, in order to have access to them in an emergency.

I don't let my can goods supply become to low.
Calm bodies of water frighten me.

I exercise to build my endurance and strength.

I drink my tea unsweetened and am learning to appreciate other foods without the extras.

I have a pair of running shoes in my bedroom, the basement, the car and at work.

I have phone chargers in the same locations.

I buy tons of candles and incense.

I keep my credit card balances low.

I check in with my family members often. I keep a list of my closest friends updated and edited. I consider who has the same blood type as me? Who would donate an organ for me? I have to know all of these things and more.

I thought I had a pretty good understanding of being prepared for disaster.

Yes, I am talking about the Zombie Apocalypse. That is what you were thinking,correct?

I took this survey and learned that I am no where near ready.

My Result: Pretty likely to survive
-= click to take @ NerdTests.com =-

I was surprised. I needed to conduct some practice drills.

When a new book hit the library Will you Survive the Zombie Apocalypse
I picked it up. As a pick-your-own-adventure book, I felt that I would be successful and survive most scenarios.

see more Funny Graphs

I mostly did not.
I really thought that I had a chance. I picked the Hell's Angel zombie clean-up crew and died. I followed my old high school girl friend to her house and died. One time, following my instincts I trusted the military. Another time following other instincts, I did not. Heck, I stole a police car which is completely not in my me.
I hung out with a pothead and well, I didn't die but I didn't care either.
Although my character was a male, my female instincts took over when I chose to save a child. A few pages latter we both were eaten alive.

The adventures take place in the Big Apple. I chose scenarios where I got to visit all the famous places. Madison Gardens, the subway system, Central Park, One spoiler, NEVER head to the Statue of Liberty during a zombie outbreak.Think about it. Why, would you?
Many endings had my character brainless and masticated.
So much for my zombie survival instincts.

see more Funny Graphs

I must consider what would I really do when the zombies break free of our imaginations and begin chopping on our brains.
I think human instinct would lead me to want to be with other non-infected people in a safe group. I think I should probably ignore those instincts and head for a cave near Lake Erie with packets of seeds and some gardening equipment.

What about you?

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Recently, I attempted to read Brains: A Zombie Memoir. It was a difficult read. A story from the viewpoint of sentient zombie. Completely disturbing. I could not complete the book once I understood that the pregnant zombie's belly continued to grow after undeath. I have my limits. I didn't want to know what happened next. In defense of the book, the references to Hamlet made me laugh more than once.
Spoiler: My favorite line, "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are undead." Okay that may not have been the actual line but close enough.

I pulled this document from here http://goo.gl/1ijUM and I added my information.

I figure that I would be valuable in a bunker of survivors for my keen cooking skills,  loyalty, humor and ability to turn any space into a loving home.  The constant need to outrun the zombie horde would not inhibit my knitting or crocheting as long as I have a knitting sheath for holding my stuff.  With my skills, everyone would have a shopping bag sleeping mat.  I am not suggesting that crocheting doilies, knitting hats, or spinning fiber or plastic bags into ropes makes me uniquely valuable to a group of survivors but those items would remind of us of the civilization that we fight to regain. Besides, I am not a weaver. A weaver is who you really want in your survivors camp. They can make tartans and survivors could start their own tribes.

I would use my background in sociology and counseling to form healthy society. I would be therapy. I can work the garden, and even can the vegetables. More importantly, I can make vanilla and coffee flavored vodka.  Who wouldn't want me?
I probably should have mentioned my mood swings under Cons.  Eh. My moods swings will more than likely go unnoticed during a zombie outbreak.
I listed steel double pointed knitting needles as a weapon. Properly weighted and designed, they could be thrown into the eye of a zombie striking into the brain. I supposed aluminum crochet hooks could be weapons, but I have concerns that a zombie might take it from me and use it to scoop out my brains.
I think this is a good start for my zombie survival resume.

Always viligante

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A Better Way

I have a new phone.  I hadn't planned on it.  My HTC Touch stopped behaving.  It would not ring when people called but if someone followed up a call with a text message the stupid phone would ring.  

Very strange.  And random.  I took it into the office and the attendant immediately ordered me a new phone.

I selected an Android phone. 

I downloaded Sudoku.  A wordsearch game.  And Zombie, run!

I have had the most fun with the zombie game.

The other day, I went to the metropark to walk.  To exercise.  I opened the game.  Selected my destination, GPS determined my location and then I start walking.  

Using the screen, I can see the zombies around the park trails.  I avoid them.

Of course, the GPS failed me when I walked under a heavy canopy of trees.  I had been walking for 30 minutes unmolested by zombies and suddenly, I had a blank screen.  

I found a clearing and stopped.  After a few tense minutes, I had my location and found that 20 zombies were coming for me.  I looked in front of me.  I looked in the back of me.  I looked up and I looked around.  Not for zombies........ per se..... I was trying to orient myself.  By the time I started running to get away from the zombies (that only existed on my screen) they were almost upon me.   Sadly, I ran right into them and they ate my brains.  

I played a second game and had a zombie follow me for a mile.  Strange thing is that I increased my pace while the zombie chased me as if it were really behind me.  

I have decided that playing Zombie, run while exercising outside is the best way to include aerobic activity into my routine.  

I finally gave the halter to LilT.  She reminded me that I have made her a "bunch of stuff"  but I have made nothing for her brother.  Well, we will see about that.  I am apparently giving her too much.  It would be best for me to make Trey the focus of my handmade gifts for the next few years.  She will be begging for more by the time I am done spoiling her brother. 

;;;;;

And the Easter lilies from the yard.  I collected these by buying the flowers for my grandmother then heading to her house after Easter.  Since I knew that she will just let them die, I take them from her and plant them in my yard. 

Finally, there has got to be a better way to stay cool this summer. AC is loud and expensive.  Water is overrated.  Vodka needs a chaser.  Being naked isn't always legal.  I need something new.

 I may have found something.    Flying dog brewery has some great beers.  I mean, when the box reads "Good People Drink Good Beer  - Hunter S. Thompson" you can't lose.   I like Old Scratch.       Next time I am getting the Raging Bitch Belgian style IPA. Now you do the same.

  

Survival

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Beware of Zombies this Halloween