Distracted Will Driving

I must confess.
I play a game during my daily commute and more so during the weekend.
No.
I am not playing Candy Crush while driving.
No. I am not Tweeting about potholes.
NO.
I am certainly not uploading pics of people doing silly things outside.
I play

Could I get invited into your home?

I look for mini-vans and SUVs with family decals on them.
I imagine that I am attempting to be invited into their home and I plan how I might interact with the family  based on the decal.

It is like a to-do list

• This one tells me Dad has expensive hobbies possibly to go with a position that requires networking on the green. 
• There's probably a lot of designer clothing and other brand name products in this home.
• I could attempt to borrow a small tool.
• The dog is probably of a larger breed. I couldn't visit this house too long because I am allergic to dogs.

• Dad probably has a beer belly with a room dedicated to him full of sports memorabilia. Or at least a small fridge full of beer.
• Mom has a drinking problem? I bet if I asked, she would share a glass of wine with me.
• The children would be fun to watch for a day.I could pretend to be returning a toy.
• Finally, I can guess with confidence that the car is full of ancient McDonald fries (which do not spoil BTW)

• If I were a burglar, I would ignore this house.  A gun-toting father with three daughters is a dangerous man. Additionally, avoid the topic of politics.
• The kid with the newspaper route has a good throwing arm and has discipline. I like her.
• Mom is probably a fiber crafter or scrapbooker. I like her, too.

• I can't...With this one...

My make believe family

• I want people to think I have a body builder partner. He doesn't tolerate nonsense.
• I could out run an crazed masked killer.And keep up with anything else.
• Unfortunately, this make believe family advertises that we are rarely home between shuffling kids to and from practice and our own hobbies. On the other hand, we don't have time to waste.
• The dog is a distraction. If you truly now me, I would never keep a dog.
• This also tells everyone that I have a amazing vacuum

I have been playing this game for years.
Sometimes I am a potential home invader. Sometimes, I am the Avon lady calling. I pretend that I have good  news to share.

That was all before I spotted a decal similar to the one above at the local Wally world.
It took me by surprise.
It is the beginning of a new game...

Spent time with family this weekend

Click here to view these pictures larger

My sister only has one more child to get through the perils of elementary and secondary education. Two will be in college this Fall. Pray for her......

At least you can select your friends

My family has been especially cruel to me lately.

When I visited my sister for the New Year, she took a moment to comment on my genetic deficiencies. That moment occurred as she walked behind me into the Best Buy store. To her left walked Dude. So, to me but within earshot of of Dude she proclaims, “I am so sorry, Frizzy. When they were handing out asses you didn’t get any of it.”

I replied, “thank you for noticing, Blondie.”

I will refer to her as Blondie as long as she insists on dying her hair honey brown. I hate that color on her. So there.

She thinks my recent hand, mouth and foot infection is hysterical. I found it pretty darn inconvenient.

Between my allergies and my propensity to get sick around holidays my family refers to me as sickly.

Grandpa tried to attack me last year when I refused to stop cleaning his house. He had dementia and thought I was a stranger. I had to call an older cousin to calm him down. As we were waiting for her arrival he whispers to me, “I know all about you. I heard all about you.” I didn’t know what to make of that…….. I felt betrayed by my mother for a few days.

A few months ago, I took some friends to a bar that members of my family own to attend a cousin’s birthday party. It is the kind of bar that I would call quaint or hole in the ground. My cousin looked great in her form fitting dress, tiara and matching satin house shoes (slippers) on the dance floor. I still chuckle at how much the fuzzy part of the slippers matched the dress.

Recently, I mentioned to my aunt that I am hot all the time at work. She suggests that I may be experiencing menopause. That was just plain mean. She has been through menopause; she knows it is more than hot flashes. She could have just suggested a fan.

Once my grade school cousin yells, “What happened to your face?” at me after seeing me for the first time in months. During my 20s, changes in my medical plans meant not taking elective medications. Because of this, I had horrible acne; acne that I did not have as a teenager or a college student. I was a college grad, looking for a job with pimples all over me. It was horrible. I didn’t mind the random Mary Kay people that tried to sell their facial regime to me. Or the vitamin distributors who offered cures. Not even the ethnic vendors with their black soap. But my little cousin, she got under my skin.

On that note, I will never forget being promised that my frizzy hair would NOT be a problem in my cousin’s wedding during a phone conversation. About a week later, I received an email reading, “I want everyone to look the same to either wear curls, a flip or an up-do.”

FYI, those are completely different hair styles

The email went on to read, “You can schedule an appointment with my hair stylist. These are the costs for her services $$ hair relaxer and for a $$ trim.” A hair relaxer????? I was hot. What happened to my frizzy hair not being a problem?

The Internet makes cowards out of all of us.

Crafty Update

The hairpin lace shawl is coming along fine. I have completed the six strips. I have to link them together.

My Dad the Chocolate Barney

When I was a kid, my dad was sick and twisted. I love him dearly but he wasn't normal.
Daddy killed the Easter Bunny
One Easter, when I was about 5 I asked about the bunny. He casually told me that he caught the Easter Bunny sneaking into the house and killed him. Cut him up and put him in the freezer. I was terrified for years to look into the freezer. When we moved a few years later I watched my mother intently as she emptied the freezer. I wanted to get a final look at the Easter bunny. He also claimed responsibility for the death of Santa Claus.

Daddy had a car that could fly
Dad loved to drive us around and try to convince us that his car could float. He would ride us around the block several times until we admitted that we felt the car float. He drove huge GM cars back then. And I swear they did kinda float over bumps.

Daddy was a rolling stone
Dad had been married before he met my mom, so I have an older sister and an older brother. He made sure that we always knew our family. His definition of family was loose, too. When untimely death took my sister's step-father, Dad treated her little brother like family.

During summers, this brave man would gather all five of us to stay with him for a few weeks. In his sparsely furnished apartments he would leave us while he worked. In this way, Dad was a genius. We rarely destroyed anything of value. I mean, we were all about 18 months apart. In hindsight, I kinda feel bad for my oldest sister. She would go from her mother's home with just her and her little brother to Dad's house where she was in charge of two boys and two girls.

Daddy prevented alcoholism
At night, we would sleep on the floor of his living room or separate into the guests rooms if they were available. To get the five of us to sleep Dad taught us a drinking game. We played Spoons and each time you lost we had to drink a gulp of beer. Back then, Dad drank really cheap beer. It was a recession after all and Red, White and Blue beer wasn't going to make us like drinking beer anytime soon. One visit, one of us figured out that the beer tasted better when mixed with fruit juices. Yes. Before the age of ten I was drinking fruit flavored malt drinks.

Over the years, each of us in turn would realize what Dad was doing and decline the beer. It became more fun to watch the younger ones get silly and sleepy. I love my dad. I can never turn my nose up to beer. Doing so would be akin to saying that I don't like my Dad. And I aint saying that.

Dad eats gross foods
Dad would order lots of pizza for us when we visited. One large pepperoni for us and one large pepperoni with anchovies for him. I am convinced that he did not regularly eat anchovies - only when we were visiting. Every once in a while the boys would be dared to eat an anchovy laden pizza. We figured that if one of us could tolerate the pizza then he know that the game was over and start ordering two pepperoni pizzas. It never happened. Today, anchovies do not frighten me. I welcome the smell of them, cuz they remind me of Dad and his silly tactics to horde pizza for himself.

Dad is picky about his TV
We watched a lot of videos when visiting Dad. As a baby boomer and student of the civil rights era, he felt compelled to augment our education with videos.
We watched old episodes of Amos and Andy to be educated on early TV and how it minstrelled the black culture. Imagine being a kid at your dad's feet and he is cursing at the TV. Cursing at the video that He Rented from the store and pointing out every stereotype and caricature. Then suddenly, he gets misty remembering his grandmother's love for the show.
Confusing.... and funny.

Then there were the blaxploitation movies of the 70s that he forced us to watch. Every visit a new movie, a new indignation remembered by Dad. He would spin tales of going to the movies with friends and leaving angry. I love watching those movies now. They remind me of Dad being angry at the TV and of being a kid. My favorite is still Blacula.

Dad also had a wacky streak. One day he snuck in a video before he went out for the night for us to watch. We were expecting some old pimp movie with guys wearing platforms and boas. Or an afro wearing good girl out for revenge with a gun. What we got was Faces of Death. Yes, there were guns but none of the fine drama you find in those old flix from the 70s. When he came home later that evening, he snickered while asking us if we enjoyed the movie. He played pranks like that on us a lot.

Dad loved his square burgers
Dad made sure that we knew our extended family. We took trips to Chicago, Kansas, Pittsburgh, Georgia and North Carolina. Dad was a man of habit, as well. No matter where we went, we always stopped at a Wendy's. We would take I-75 from Ohio to Georgia and stop every few hours for coffee and food at Wendy's. When I got old enough to drive to fast food restaurants, I avoided Wendy's for years. Now they are my second choice behind Steak N Shake. During the trips, we listened to jazz. Not this stuff you hear now but real classic jazz. I think only two of us enjoy jazz now. The other three can't stand to hear it anymore.

Talking to Dad now is tricky as he works for GM, I never know what mood he will be in when we speak. Will he be railing against the corporate machine or the government? Will he be considering retirement? Will he be talking about the upcoming jazz concert at the park? I never know.

Dad was protective
I went away to college in the early 90s. About 3 hours from him. That did not matter. He called my dorm room every Saturday at 8:30 am. This was before voicemail and cell phones. No matter what I did on Friday night, I had to be in my room by Saturday morning or I panicked. In return, he faithfully deposited 20 dollars into a savings account for me each week.

I will always be a beer loving, 1970's movie watching, jazz loving child of my father forever.

Happy Father's Day

Crafty Update
I completed the Red and White Granny Square

My Back Hurts

 

Updates

Projects

I rearranged bedroom.  Now the draft is at the foot of my bed.  The electric blanket is working again. I upgraded my cell phone package.  All of you who have my number.  Text away.... The garage door closed yesterday but not today.  Go figure. To pass the time, I thought I would give you a tour of my office.    Come In.  There are three major suites on my floor.  The floor plan has three thermostats.  The really smart computers have determined that my suite is classroom space and automatically turns down the heat when classes are done.  It is located in another area that is obviously warmer than my office area because I am always cold.  If I walk two yards to the right, there is warmth.  The right suite has its thermostat in different area.  Sometimes the difference is as noticeable as walking into a heated building from the outside.  It gets that cold.     My Desk.  I have everything close to me.  I have no choice.  Yes, there is a doll by my telephone wearing a sorority t-shirt.  Sometimes you need to have some fun at your job.    Planning.  I must keep things within reach in order to stay on task.   I like pretty things in my office.    I keep pictures of my family on top of the hutch.  Everyone is there.  Mr. Twinkie and Hostess Bread were gifts from my Grandpa who worked at Hostess for 33 years.    I painted that picture as a Junior in High School.  It makes my office girly.    Mysteriously, my bad aches whenever I bend, hiccup or walk.  This workout ball allows me to work.  This has been going on for two days now.  I hope you enjoyed my tour.  This is where I spend more than 40 hours a week.  I love my job.  I have made it very comfy here.  Stop reading if you are a man...... I am back to working on the openwork shawl.  Last year, I unraveled it twice.  Third time is the charm.      I am blending two yarns. A red mohair and this gold speck yarn.  My progress.

Frizzy Hooker Yarn Stash Afghan Blanket Almost Done! I B Knitty Great Escape Cape These buttonholes are driving me crazy. Baby Blanket About 8 inches completed.  Will get back to this one when the shawl is complete. Knotted Openwork Shawl     Still working on it.  IBF Reader