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I Wish Gandalf Was My Life Coach

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Life Coach
Originally uploaded by Ray Fenwick

It is college football time. Everyone is talking to coaches and making guesses about the teams chances to do anything of interest. My college is playing Purdue this weekend. My neighbors have asked me if I am going. Yeah, right. Like I know the difference between goal and par. Besides the news is filled with updates on the point-shaving non-story.

It is great to have insurance. Especially when the insurance has a wellness package and an EAP. I love it. I get 5 visits to the wellness coach.

I began seeing the coach when my doctors first mentioned pre-diabetes.

He is great.

I first met with him at the end of July. He explained to me the glycemic index and demonstrated to me how to read food labels for sugar. During the four weeks that followed I kept a food log on

Calorie Count Plus

Well the results were pretty clear. I do not eat enough protein and fill my days with carbs and fat. Doesn’t everyone? I also do not exercise enough. Of course, I am not. I am too tired to exercise. I am too stressed to exercise.

Funny thing…. Exercise releases stress. By not releasing stress i am not eliminating blah blah blah blah blah. Yeah that is what it sounded like to me.

In a nutshell he was telling me what I already knew from our lsat meeting. I need to exercise and eat more meat.

Man that is difficult. I have resorted to string cheese, yogurt and cottage cheese. But I am lactose intolerant. Isn’t that funny. I tried eating nuts but nuts bother me too.

I have been asking friends to provide protein enriching advice.

My co-worker told me to eat boiled eggs. That is easy. Boring but easy. Eating eggs everyday seems a little gross but there it is.

I can always eat more beans. But preparing beans is bothersome for me. I really don’t know too many bean recipes.

Someone else suggested fish. I really do not know how to cook fish. I have to rely on Zone diet recipe books and I am always missing some key ingredient.

I finally went to the library for a shopping list.

  • Lots of fruit.
  • Canned seafood.
  • Whole wheat.

There is more, of course, but it is boring.

At this session, he gave me really good tips. First he gave to me this great book. An eating out guide. It is called Nutrition In The Fast Lane.

He suggested that I am convenience eater. When I am out and about, I tend to eat worse. The solution. Keep protein bars at my job. Just before I leave for the day I should eat one. The boost of energy and protein will hold off hunger while I run any errands that I have to complete before I head home. And if I plan to eat out the energy bar will reduce the tendency for appetizers and I will order less food. Blah blah blah blah. He had a million suggestions…

He was dreaming, if it were that simple I would workout 5 days a week, I would have a good nights sleep, I would feel productive at work, I would have loads and loads of friends and my hair would be long and strong. Besides he told me not to use the word "diet" then proceeded to use it three times for the remainder our session. Don't misunderstand me. I like the guy. I felt so relaxed in his office, I didn't think about Puerto rican rum, tequila or vodka one time!


During most of the session, I was daydreaming. I was daydreaming about Xanax, Valium, Lexapro. Seriously, I feel like I am going in circles by talking to experts – my GP, the sleep specialist, the wellness coach and my friends/family.

The nerve of the Wellness coach to suggest that I see a counselor about my stress. I don’t need more experts in my life. The expert can be found at the pharmacy. In an orange non-child proof bottle. In a little pill.

So you know what I did? After the session, I went to the grocery store to buy the snacks that he suggested I keep in the office and some snacks for the house. I picked up a box of protein bars. At the checkout I leaned to my left. Reached out. And grabbed a snickers bar. (nuts have protein)

I ate it on the way to Baskin Robbins. Where I ordered a Reese Cup single cone. (I figured milk is protein)

Yeah. So much for that. I have insurance. It should work for me.


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