Happy New Year

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Nail her like a teen

I am writing this post in response to this week's GBE2 prompt
Free writing for 15 minutes.
I have a topic. A subject to consider.
What will be the subject titles for my posts for 2012?
For 2011, I used the subject headings from my SPAM folder. I must say AT and T does an excellent job of filtering out such email message subjects.
I don't have a favorite for 2011 but "Blood won't leave Willie" would make a list of my top two.
The show titles for episodes of the Jerry Springer show are being considered for my 2012 posts.
I just don't know if they are varied enough
"My sister stole my boyfriend"
"Lesbian threesomes"
"Transexuals confront secret lovers"
My content isn't so risky.
I just like to write about the funny people that I know and when the darndest things happen to me.
And happen to me often they do.
No one will forget the possum under the couch.
Nor will I

Or my drunken texts from a night of sake and martinis
FYI Don't mix sake and martinis.
I think I am going to have some sake tonight. Yup.
This weekend I expect to spend the last days of 2011 with my dad and his family.
That should be entertaining. My step-sister has three little girls stair-stepped and adorable.
I can't wait to give to them their Giftmas presents.
I still have to head to Game Stop to purchase a gift card for my nephew.
When I went there on Sunday it was crowded and it smelled like man funk.
You know man-funk. It smelled like a living room during a football party- including snacks.
I was out shopping at Hallmark to pick up some cards for 40% off. I like Hallmark cards. I feel that when I send them for the holidays, I am impressing my friends with my cultured expressions of season's greetings.
I really like Hallmark, I also frequent their stores because they are locally owned by small business owners. I am doing two good things with my patronage.
I can find the most interesting small gifts from their stores. I just wish that so many hadn't closed back in 2008. It takes more of an effort to shop there and it is so much easier to pick up a card at the grocers or some stupid box store.
I did not pick up a calendar. I like to wait a long as possible to purchase a calendar. I find that someone will give me one for free that I will absolutely love if I just wait.
I do head to the locally owned garden and beer making supply store for their annual Farmer's Almanac calender for its garden hints. I picked up some basil seeds while I was there.
I am going to attempt grow indoor basil this winter for my cooking.
I just know it will not work for me.
Just like my Christmas Cactus has not bloomed in two years.
I probably need to plan that better. I want a bloom. Dawggonit.
At least the cat doesn't bother that plant.
She just likes to poo when ever I am down or up wind of her litter box. Doesn't seem to matter how much I spend on the litter.
Well that is 15 minutes. I hope to write one more post before 2012. I hope you enjoy it and all the other ones.
Happy New Year

Germany shows Portugal the strength of another inch

Today's blog title comes courtesy of Vanilla Wafer's spam box.
Aw VW. I miss you.
This post is loosely based on the Wonder prompt for GBE2 this week. 

I haven't written in a few weeks. Blame it on the changing weather and SADS.
First, my grammie became ill. That was a distraction. Then my semi-annual sinus-infection appeared. After that I stopped sleeping. I do not enjoy the Fall as much as I should.
In between those events, Uncle Handyman did what all handymen do. He disappeared. I learned later that he was with Grammie. So, all is forgiven. Kinda.
During this time I acquired a houseguest. mmmm, an intermittent houseguest.
Wonderful....

She is an OPK, daughter of my cousin.

I shall call the little houseguest, Bebe.

At 17 years old she is quite sassy. Delightfully so.
I invited her to use my house computer to apply for jobs.
She took me up on the offer.

That is what she said when she entered my home

Sadly, Uncle Handyman's worker left messes everywhere. I avoided cleaning for the fear that he would return to leave another mess after his departure.
I finally had to tell Uncle Handyman that I didn't want his worker in my home by himself because he was slow and messy.
Unfortunately, Grammie's illness required Uncle Handyman to leave his worker unattended to take her to appointments. Finally, I paid them to leave.
And what a mess his worker left.
At least I have this to report

	Old kitchen ceiling
New kitchen ceiling

Back to my cousin visiting me. I enjoyed Bebe's visits. If you follow my OPK tag you will note that I find OPK's to be full of wonder and humor. I am honored that any child would share my company. Bebe's visit warmed my biological clock. It may have started ticking again.
I would pick Bebe up or her mom would drop her off to my house. After settling her things, Bebe would log into the computer, apply for jobs, connect with friends on facebook, and watch TV. Someone would escort the teenager back to her own house after a few hours. Her half day visits turned into overnight visits without much warning.

But this presented a problem, so I asked
	She responded with an exaggerated shrug of her shoulders.

She put it back on me. I had to find her a way to school in the morning.
This is how OPKs get over on me. Their problems become my problems.
Remember a few years back when my nephew turned me into his personal valet? Just imagine me tying the shoes of an eight year old boy because I was too silly to recognize his deceit.
Since I had somehow become a personal assistant to Bebe, I contacted Leeza, the next door neighbor. She agreed to carpool both Bebe and her daughter to School.
Problem solved.
I informed Bebe that she would not miss School. Unimpressed, she mumbled, "Okay."


One day, I spotted her wearing my clothes. When I asked, she explained that she was cold. Okay, I guess. Resourceful, I thought.
Sitting in living room after a long day of work, I pick up my roommate to select a channel and I noticed that she had created and labeled her own Favorites list of channels on the cable. I found this amusing.

A few days later, I found new recordings on the DVR. Bebe had set the timer for a few of her shows.
My snacks were dwindling, as well. I went to the store and bought some microwaveable snacks for her to eat after School. I wanted her out of my rice cakes. I need them for my Nutella. Oh, I gave her a key to the house so she could use the computer.
My sister started teasing me that I had a new roommate. I began to wonder if she was right. Then I thought about it.


I reminded her that roommates pay rent. Bebe, ate my food, used my computer, slept in my bed, left her dirty clothes for me to wash but did not pay rent.She was an OPK. Not my teenager.
Just to prove it, I asked Bebe to dust mop the floor on her next visit. I demonstrated the technique, assured her that it wasn't like sweeping or mopping. She agreed.... But she also has not returned to the house.
I wonder why.

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Youth Life Excellence

So many stories, these photos tell.

Be her devil of love

Image Source: http://goo.gl/Bzw59

Your Job Application is Pending

Private Windows House

Wordless Wednesday

Jizz inside her again and again

Ownership The joys of homeownership.
This week's GBE2 prompt is ownership.

I thought this would be the blog entry to update you on the Possum Occupation of 2011. This is the hole dug along my foundation.Uncle Handyman felt that since he was digging along my foundation then he should check for leaks.

This is the worker looking for the possum entrance.

So much for the garden. Contractors don't respect anything. I got a call saying that they were there, I rush home and my clematis is already destroyed. Uncle Handyman determined that the possum must have dug a hold under the house addition.

This should have happened as the building codes stipulate construction should go to at least 5 feet below the ground. The previous owner only oversaw the depth of 3 cinderblocks. This makes sense to men. Have at it.

What remains of my collard greens. I think there is enough for one half of a holiday meal. That is a lot of dirt. When they attempted to fill the holes the backyard did not appear to be level. As if, more dirt joined the party. I am still trying to level the back yard before the frost.

They found it. Uncle Handyman compelled me to jump into the cavity in my backyard and see the possum hole for myself. I didn't want to do it. But here is the proof that I did.

A better view for you. I had to reach up to get this photo.

This entry makes me nostalgic. I began blogging shortly after I purchased my house. So many things went wrong in the first six months.
I would link you to those old entries but they went away with Yahoo! 360. That experience taught me to have two sites, one acting like a backup

I found some pictures that were used in the original blog:

Fall of 2004. I hired a company to remodel the upstairs bathroom. When they were complete, I complained that the water pressure was too low.I described it as showering in a rainstorm. Their attempts to review the problem and my plumbing resulted in a discovering that the water main had completely rusted.

Their manipulations caused it to rupture and the City issued a notice to me. My co-workers still refer to my homestead as the Lake House. One even took the time to create an neat image of my house with a lake in front of it. I started a blog not long after this incident.

This is how the front lawn looked in Spring 2005.It recovered from the excavation from the Fall. I ended up firing the original contract company and filing a complaint against them. Long story... that I can't link you to because the journal entry is gone.

I learned as time went by that like contractors, Handymen can be very undependable. Each would get so far in the repairs and then disappear. I hired my first handyman in 2006 and he addressed my curb appeal.

nThe new handyman, Scott, reseeded my lawn. He disappeared before he could build a rain barrel for me. I believe that was around Spring of 2007. I made one for myself using a chisel, pantyhose, grated pipe cover, roofing tar and a threaded hose. Uncle Handyman said that he never saw anything like that before.

This was the only time I have had a real lawn. I remember that Spring in 2005. Just look at it. Scott fixed the poor jobs that the contractors had left behind in my basement. I liked Scott. By the end of the Fall, I felt that I could handle all future home repair issues by myself.

When my bedroom closet, that I had PROUDLY hung, fell, I had to call back Scott to fix it. I sat on the floor crying after it fell. I almost fired him when he told me that I had too many shoes. HOW DARE HE.
In 2006, I redecorated the porch by myself. See the pictures here. Scott was out of the picture by then having left me hanging without a water barrel. I found a new handyman in 2008, Mark. He fixed some of the errors committed by Scott. He left without a word and with half the dining room molding stripped of stain.I think that was in 2009. The next guy that I used did his own disappearing act after not properly sealing the flat roof. After that incident, I decided to only work with family and Uncle Handyman.
After a few years of this I learned to live with the little inconveniences and the gray hairs.
This Spring, the light fixture in the kitchen crashes to the floor leaving two holes in the ceiling, it doesn't bother me. I ask Cousin L to install this light fixture.

I think it is a great fix. Uncle Handyman laughed.


Look at what this guy did




see more There I Fixed It

Let me provide you with a listing of my favorite home ownership adventures that survived the move to Multiply and Blogger.

1. Strays: I wrote about roommates that reminded me of stray animals. I have since learned to be more particular.
So, my recent roommate entries have been about great people.
2. Yard work:
*I have written extensively about my lack of lawn care management skills and; grass.
*My attempts at mulching, growing and gardening are documented
3. Outdoor pests: My feral cat problems, which continue to plague me, again
4. My life with my neighbors and that one annoying family across the street
5. That time my TV brokeDay 2 and Day 4
6. Changing handyman because they like to disappear. This is the only surviving handyman entry-the Case of the leaking bathroom vent
7.The mysterious pooing of 2008
8. The flying trashcan
9. The insane house cats: Fuzzy, Fattie, Halle
10. The gnome that protects my home and garden
11. The bat infiltration of 2010 
Blogging has been loads of fun and given me an outlet for my home ownership adventures. Thanks for reading.

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World Company Register 2012

I frogged the baby blanket again. I think I am up to six times.
I am working on a new pattern with a larger hook.
Similar to the ruana that I created last year.
It is Tunisian crochet.
I am starting from the corner with three stitches.

Foundation row
I crocheted four stitches.
Inserted my hook into the second chain from my hook, yo and drew the loop but did not pull through the stitch.
This left two loops on my hook. Then I repeated the step ending with three loops on my hook.
On the reverse pass, I YO then drew through the first loop keeping it on the hook. Then I yo and drew through two loops at a time until the end of the row.
You know typical stuff.
The second row is where the fun began.

Source: http://www.crochetme.com/

Forward Pass
I had three vertical bars and one loop on my hook. I need to increase.
1. Inc by pulling a loop through the horizontal stitch between the loop on the hook and the first vertical bar (which is under the working loop).
Next I began the pattern

source: http://www.chezcrochet.com/page22.html

2. Insert the hook to the right of the back loop of the second vertical bar. Grab the back loop with the hook. Pull it up on the hook while bringing the hook back the front. YO and pull through, keeping loop on hook. I don't know the abbreviation for this stitch. It is a reverse simple stitch.
3. Insert hook right to left under the next vertical bar. YO and  draw loop through, keeping loop on hook
I repeated that until the last vertical bar of the previous row.This is tunisian simple stitch or TSS.
4. Inc one stitch
5. Then complete the final tss.
Reverse Pass
6. The reverse pass is YO then drew through the first loop keeping it on the hook.
7. YO and draw through two loops at a time until the one loop remains on the hook.
The reverse stitch looks sorta like this. Where the loop twists from left to right or clockwise.

source: ravelry.com

In the subsequent rows, I took care to follow the pattern from the previous row to make vertical bars.
I like it.

source: http://turtledovecoo.blogspot.com/

No more frogging.. Still don't get it?

When I unravel the blanket it I am ripping out the stitches. I -rip it and rip it and rip it.

Friendly Win Place

My wordless blog post for this week

Spend this night boning her

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

OneStopBlogWorld

Since my roommate moved out, I have had only Fuzzy to keep me company at night. So I guess that I have been paying more attention to her behavior.
For instance, I caught her doing an impression of ceiling cat in the basement.

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She exited from a small opening that led to the area above the basement drop ceiling and under the main floor. I wondered what she could be up to in there and then quickly put it out of my head.
Until, I spotted a stain on ceiling tiles.
I removed the tile and found some very strange stuff. Leaves. Like from the Fall.
Eh.
I made a call to Uncle Handyman and told him that I wanted him to come over.Remember the groundhog burrow under my garden? I figured that somehow the leaves had blown in at the start of the season. Sometime after April when AT and T pulled down ALL the ceiling tiles to replace my telephone wires. Besides, the garden was done for the season seeing how all the veggies were eaten the week before.
I couldn't schedule him to come to the house right away because I work late Tuesday thru Thursday and that weekend I had events to attend. The groundhog burrow and leaves in my basement could wait a little while longer.
Fuzzy started acting strange again. I noticed around Sunday night that she had stopped eating.
Tuesday morning as I am leaving for the gym I smelled something awful in the living room. I see Fuzzy pawing at floor near the couch and remember that I forgot to clean her liter box.
Feeling remorse, I drop my bags and look under the couch to see where she poo'd.
I spotted one of my elephant toys under the couch and cried, "Not Ellie." Fuzzy surely had poo'd all over Ellie in retribution for my not cleaning her litter box.
I pushed the toy back behind the couch with a broom and climbed the couch to reach out with my gloved hand to grab the filthy toy.

It Blinked.

I screamed.

Fuzzy ran.

Well, Fuzzy sure was helpful.
I called a friend and described the animal through gasping breaths.
It was a possum.
I called Leeza, next door, and told her about it. She came over with a net. Yes, the same net she brought over last year when I had the bat in my bathroom.

The neighbors were a godsend.
Leeza insisted on taking a picture of it.

After some silly running around to rearrange furniture, we realized that we were out of our league. I walked out onto my porch, observed the houses with lights at 7 am and picked the neighbor who I liked more.

She sent her husband over and the three of us created a pathway out of the house for the possum that was in no mood to leave. Finally, Leeza got her German Shephard to coax the creature out of the house.

And he sure did. Coaxed the poo right out of the possum all over my living room.

We finally got the dog away from the possum and the possum into the net.

Here it is playing possum. In the second picture it is pooping again.

During all of this my horrible sister made numerous "helpful" calls,
1. "No one from the city will remove a possum. They are vicious."
2. "Be sure to use gloves, possums carry diseases"
3. "You should check your basement. Possum's have ten babies"
4. "Kitty litter on the possum poop is a good idea. That stuff is a hell to clean up"
5. "My co-worker said that you should buy two animal traps: one for the outside and one for the inside"
6. "If you don't catch them all, they will just keep coming back"

After thanking my neighbors, walking past the poo filled living room to sit in my upstairs bedroom, I decided to draft some poetry while I calmed myself:

The groundhog eats from

the garden treats and invites

possum for nightcaps

Small possum all alone

Wonder where large possums go

After sunrises 

Goldilocks critter

cat food not too hot or cold

kitty traps the thief 

Stuffed toy under chair

Does not blink but possums do

Kitty runs and hides 

Barkless dog sniffs prey

Jaws clamps down and poops exhudes

From possums stink hole 

I posted the verses on Facebook and my online friends helped me to get back to my life and head to work. So, it would seem that I had a lot of help from my friends in getting my house back to normal. Too bad I had ignored all of Fuzzy's signs that something was wrong in my house.